After my chilling on the couch during their visit the other day, things got busy again. However, I felt much more able to tackle this week after that respite! It proved to be a tough one, so I'm very thankful I did get that break.
On Tuesday, I had a meeting at the high school where "M" goes to school. It is the same private school I attended. Their first foster parents arranged for her to attend there the spring semester. I was told by "M" that SHE got a scholarship and reminded her earlier in the summer that she did owe the previous foster parents something for giving her the opportunity. I didn't know how it all was working, but after my meeting on Tuesday, it really is "something beautiful". As much as "M" would like to believe she got a full scholarship, and the foster parents "inferred" to the State that she did as well, she did not. Yes, she got financial assistance, but the former foster parents were, and ARE CONTINUING TO, cover what the scholarship and work study does not...wow! I was blown away by their generosity and commitment to making sure she is given this opportunity. The foster mom asked for it to "remain between us", but of course I told my parents and my sister because I had a done a little bit of "whining" about the fact that they received a check from the State for June even though I had the girls almost the entire month (and still have only been given money for nine days that has all gone to paying my sister for watching them). I also thought it was important for M to know how much this couple cares about her. So, without going into detail, I told her that they were helping me cover the expenses that her scholarship didn't cover (like books, etc.) She got really defensive and didn't really talk to me the rest of the day. I do not regret saying something to her, though, because she carries a great deal of resentment/negativity toward them and she needed to know this.
After weeks of being over-staffed with little-to-nearly-no patients, my floor, and the PICU, are completely full and we have found ourselves under-staffed. Our acuity is high, too, so I ran my butt off the past two days and work again tomorrow and part of Sunday! My body had forgotten how to work that hard and my back and legs were not that happy with me today! However, I'm SO happy that next week I'll get a full pay check (and maybe a little extra!) Having a full census means LOTS of sick kids, though, and that is the sad part. My A girl is super sick and I'm super sad for her family. I haven't had a chance to go see her as often as I would like now that I have kids to take care of, but they do have my prayers and those are appreciated too.
Yesterday was the girls' mom's birthday. She remains 700+ miles away and they haven't seen her for nearly two weeks. I let them call her a couple of times this week and really hyped up her birthday. I made a little picture collage for them to give her and said we would make cupcakes. I got them, especially the little one, all excited to call and sing happy birthday to her last night when we got home. How disappointing it was to find out that the phone number they had used earlier in the week did not work. The little one got over it fairly quickly, but the older one hasn't talked to me nearly as much as she usually does. She looked pretty upset to me, but refused to admit there was anything wrong (although she DID tell me that only "maybe" would she tell me if she wasn't "ok").
In my "glass-half-full" mind, I'm trying to understand how torn the mom must be to be with her family states away and here with her kids. However, she IS planning to get them back and I would think that you wouldn't want to give the judge any reason to say you aren't ready. I have been preparing myself to let them go back to her at the end of August, but suppose I also need to prepare myself for the fact that that just might not happen. I'm fortunate that for my first placement it doesn't seem like they would be going back to a horrible place because I'm sure that isn't the case in many (hopefully not most!) situations. Of course, she won't win mom of the year this year, but she does have some nice girls.
The other night, I was thinking about all the little things that "L" and I do that are just "ours". "M" isn't around and we have our own routines, things that only we know that we do and say. It is super special for me to have that with her (little things like brushing our teeth together, how I tell her "one more song and then you need to let the water out", what she means when she talks about "doing this/that like Lady Gaga", and asks to "be a ballerina") and I'm not taking it for granted. However, a wave of emotion swept over me that her mom really is missing out on all of this. At the end of each day, I ask her to tell me about the fun that she had that day. She has gotten quite wordy and likes to drag it out for a long time so she doesn't have to go to sleep, but she says the sweetest things. She says she loves my mom, my dad, my sister, my brother-in-law, my nephew, me, her sister...and now that I type this, I realize she doesn't talk about her brothers and her mom only comes up every once in a while...that is sad!
So, lots of ups and downs, happys and sads, in the life of a pediatric nurse AND the life of a foster mom...I'm blessed enough to be both.
Prayers for ALL of "my" kids appreciated :)
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