A Hurt Tongue and Awesome Friends

This morning I woke up with a phone call from "the baby's mom". She was very upset because that sick baby in the PICU did not make it through the night. My friend was very good friends with that baby's parents and she was just heartbroken, trying to wrap her mind around how a baby who was doing so well a few weeks ago was now with the Lord; wondering how to help them, trying not to think about how close she had come to losing her own child while knowing this is yet another reminder not to take any moments for granted. I did not have any "words of wisdom" for her, but offered my condolences and prayers for that family. I let her know that I would call her after my sister's baby shower and we could get dinner or dessert since she is headed back home tomorrow.

I went to church, then visited with my parents before heading to my sister's baby shower. She had quite a good turn out for someone who "doesn't have any friends"...I am glad that people from her work came and her good friend from high school was a wonderful hostess. (I am thankful that she offered to hostess a shower as did my aunt/cousins so I didn't feel I needed to as well.) We played a couple fun games and she got some really nice things.

I would be lying if I said my "twinges" of jealousy that my younger sister really is experiencing pregnancy before me didn't come back. I am definitely looking forward to holding my nephew and being done with those feelings. I don't feel like taking the time to upload the one picture I took from the shower, but my sister did find a really cute dress to wear :o) She did not pass her first glucose test and needs to go back for the longer version. I am hoping she doesn't have GD, but she has definitely reevaluated the kinds of things she has been eating which is good (a couple bowls of sugary cereal for breakfast and chocolate malts at night probably played at least a small role...)

Anyway, the hurt tongue portion of this post came from having to bite my tongue--a LOT--during her shower. I am not a pregnancy expert by any means, but have definitely talked to enough pregnant people, especially during this past year to know a little. When my sister started to get the nursery ready, my sister's friend, my mom, and my aunt went to help her clean. Totally cool except for the comment made by my mom that my sister couldn't help because, you know, she is pregnant. After the whole not passing the glucose test deal I encouraged her to go for walks/use her wii fit/something. Apparently, she "cannot" do those things. Again, today, she said she couldn't do those things, even though they have a crazy dog that needs to go for walks. She also said she has to choose between dishes or laundry, but doesn't ever have energy to do both (again, totally biting my tongue so as not to make any comments that I would regret later). She "couldn't" help bring her gifts to the car. She couldn't really help pick up after everyone left. My mom did their dishes and unclogged their sink when she dropped my sister off after the shower. (To be fair, my parents have me over for dinner all the time, my dad came to my house to hang some shelves last week, and I'd like to think that if I asked my mom to help me clean she would...) I love my sister dearly, but it was almost too much to take knowing what I DO know about what kinds of things pregnant people really ARE capable of doing...

So, my tongue was REALLY hurting from biting it so much...I definitely decided against attending "family dinner" tonight. (I know myself and even if I had tried to say something helpful it is very likely it would have come out sounding condescending or insensitive or know-it-all or something else "not good"...)

A couple weeks ago, I decided to take a trip at the end of the month (I will give more details in a happier post later, but it is SO exciting!) I will be flying back into town the day of my sister's family shower. The plan is for my plane to land at noon, but there is always a chance that something could change. Before I purchased my ticket, I talked to my cousin. Even still, they scheduled the shower for 1:00. Now, I don't live TOO far away from the airport, but my aunt and uncle live another 30 minutes away from my house. My cousin said I could just go to the shower straight from the airport...yeah, like I am going to get all cute for the shower and then get on an airplane...

I cried the entire way home from the shower. I was upset for my friend. I was having issues with the whole pregnant sister thing. Upset about the next shower. Worried about my work meeting later this week. Stressed out about making the agenda for said meeting. Thinking about talking to the managers about these issues. Probably add in some hormones (and a couple other things) and I lost it...

I was still crying when I called my friend. She had gone to Mass as well and was feeling a little better than she had in the morning. She listened to me vent about the shower issues (the ones from today and my being stressed out about the next one). She told me that I need to take care of myself and do something for ME...that trip is very much something for "me" that is MUCH needed. My family will just have to understand that they are important too, but this was what needed to happen for me...and, while the timing may seem a tiny bit off, it really is "perfect".

After I got off the phone with her, I hopped onto facebook and SO excited to see Ginger online. Awesome timing, right?! Love it! She too listened to me vent and helped me sort through my issues of the day. It is so awesome to have such amazing friends...especially these two friends who came into my life in such "unconventional" ways. (Recall, I took care of "the baby" for half a shift last April and became "instant friends" with his mom. Ginger and I became friends because of this blog...thanks to Kristy and Laurie in Ca... There is definitely no "randomness" involved there!)

Instead of "family dinner", I went out with my friend and the baby (he is 18 months old now, so I may have to come up with another way to refer to him!) Since both of us shed our share of tears today, it was not a good day to take pictures. However, here is one from when they first got here and we went out. I am so glad they are headed back home tomorrow. This is a place where lots of miracles happen, but quite often there is sadness too. While that sadness is not completely forgotten when you leave this place, there is nothing like being surrounded by your own family and friends at HOME.

Well, I have decided that I cannot bring myself to do my work stuff tonight. "Technically" the agenda is to be sent out 5 days before the meeting. I would rather not rush through it especially with all the pressure that has been placed on me this time. My responsibility in this position is to disseminate information from the hospital to staff, but the group is also to discuss things that are happening on the unit. With the eruption of emotions that occured following Friday's announcement, I understand the need to spend some time working on those issues. However, it is only a two hour meeting and when there are such strong feelings about topics it takes a lot longer to discuss them. I have been asked (by my co-workers) to cut down on the time spent on hospital issues which would be great, but I would not feel like I was doing my job the way it is supposed to be done. Anyway, it has my stomach in knots and I just don't want to think about it any more...

Back to work tomorrow, but just for one day and then I am off until Friday (besides the "big meeting" on Thursday). Hopefully I have had my emotional breakdown of the week (month?!) and move on from here.

Going to bed early probably wouldn't be a bad idea...

Good night.