Nothing, or Everything?

or somewhere in between? For a length of time (a couple days, a week?), I have felt like I am always on the brink of tears. The "waterworks" haven't come yet, but I'm ready, I guess. I've been an emotional person for as long as I can remember, and tears do come easily. However, it seems like I now have a harder time pin-pointing what is upsetting me. Now, maybe that has been going on longer than I think, but I'm trying to sort things out.

Yesterday should NOT have been a bad day at work. My patient load was not that bad, and I was working with people I like. Yet, for whatever reason, I got REALLY frustrated and crabby and just had to step away (maybe it was because I ate lunch at 2:30 and my meltdown was right about that time...could be!). Anyway, then today I was on an emotional roller coaster from having fun, to really stressed, to upset, to fun, to nearly crying because of something nice, to content, to nearly crying over a blog I was reading, on and on ALL day long!

I spoke with a friend, who actually happens to be my friend BECAUSE of my work, as the parent of a transplant recipient. What she told me REALLY helped put things into perspective. I wish I could remember her exact words, but that was a couple hours and a glass of wine ago. Basically, she said that I don't realize HOW challenging my full-time job is, emotionally and physically. Add to that the fact that I DON'T leave that job at work because I'm either there doing "non-work related things" or thinking about it when I'm at home. Plus the fact that I occasionally baby-sit for a transplant patient which is actually a little stressful with all the "drama" that is her life. AND, on the days that I'm not at the hospital, I have been doing my job with CPS that has taken some emotional energy lately that was not there when I started (it seemed to be a "cushy" job, but now I'm seeing how the system is working and I don't think I like it!). I guess when it is put like THIS, it's no wonder that I feel tired even though I "only" work three days a week, don't have kids, am not "dating", and seem to get enough sleep.

I was VERY surprised to discover that I have 29 posts labeled "work" and 18 labeled "just fun". I actually thought that there would be less "fun" stuff because lately it doesn't feel like I'm having that much of it (even though I DID go on vacation AND went to the Cornhole Bowl!). When I am home, I don't feel like doing anything that needs to get done, so am "bored". So, I keep super-busy, and then I get crabby and emotional. I don't want to "cut back" on the little "extras" I do, because I think taking care of other people is my LIFE'S mission. If I can make someones day better, or easier, then that is a day well spent. I work with people ALL the time whose lives are not going the way they want. Seeing people dealing with MAJOR issues like separation from family, a chronically ill child, finances, marriages, etc. is a daily occurrence for me. It hurts so much to see other people struggling like this. It reminds me even more that I have an AMAZINGLY wonderful, pretty darn perfect life, but sometimes that makes me more sad! Why am I so lucky? and what can I do to help them? Ahh, it seems to be a cycle that never ends, which is probably why I am having such emotional issues!

I guess I should sleep on this...maybe I'll get some tears out in my dreams, so there won't be any trying to sneak out at work tomorrow.

Cornhole Bowl!

Today was the "4th Annual Cornhole Bowl". I had someone switch with me at work so I could go. I went two years ago and had a BLAST! My sister was so excited to go, and she almost didn't make it. That would have been very sad! It worked out great, although they lost their first game, my team lost our first game (I am NOT good at Cornhole!), so we had to play each other in the double-elimination tournament and they beat us. My sister and her huband actually won TWO games and BOTH won raffle prizes (my team won no games and no prizes, but it was still VERY FUN!). Enjoy the photos :o)

Reflections on Faith

I wrote this post last night, and it is pretty "random" and a bit confusing, but I have to say that it did clear things up for me, maybe just a little bit. I was thinking I could just save it in my drafts and not post it, since no one really reads this anyway. But, I decided that this is "Just Me" in all my craziness and confus-edness, so post it is.

I have so much running through my head, but am also pretty tired, so this may be a post that becomes "to be continued". My thoughts are all over the place, so I may need to do some "reorganizing" to try and make sense of it all (or, maybe I'll just leave it as random thoughts/reflections).

I was born to Catholic parents. I grew up in a Catholic neighborhood. I went to Catholic school for 13 years. I attended a university with a large Catholic community. To be completely honest, I really like being Catholic. I also enjoy listening to the Christian radio station. Tonight, I attended a free Natalie Grant concert and it was just what I needed spiritually today. Many of the blogs I read are of people who "typically" do not consider Catholics as "Christians", for whatever reason, but since I usually just read, I don't feel "judged". These are VERY faith-filled people who have been hit time and time again with events and experiences that could have turned them bitter. The mom who continued her "caringbridge" site even after her daughter lost her battle waiting for a liver transplant, the mom who writes about scrapbooking, faith, motherhood, and forgiveness after her daughter was killed in an accident that never should have happened. There's the mom whose daughter survived a heart transplant, is autistic, and she herself is now battling cancer, and the mom whose first son has multiple issues after a liver transplant and second son has still "undiagnosed" developmental delays. And these are just a few of the stories of people I have NEVER met, as there are countless more PLUS stories of faith and miracles in the work I do, and the people I know. I am amazed, and humbled by the amount of faith these people have, and are willing to share.

Maybe I really have as much faith as these people who inspire me, I just have a different way of expressing it, however, I have been looking for ways to enhance my "Catholicism" and examine my faith more closely. I started reading a book called "blessed are the bored in spirit: A Young Catholic's Search for Meaning" by Mark Hart. It is taking me entirely too long to read, but has been inspiring so far. I am a member of the Young Adult group at my church and we had a very nice meeting this week. I am excited to be attending a retreat a week from today titled "A Time to be Grateful : Reflections on the bountiful gifts of God...the gifts of self, others, and nature". Today, I also purchased a book that will have daily prayers for 2008.

That is where I ended the post last night...I suppose I will pick up on this another time, as it has been quite a reflection (although, my "deep reflecting" had to take a break since I actually had to sleep last night and really should be in bed now!). More on this another time!

On another note, today was a good day. I didn't have busy patients, but was able to help out my "fellow nurses" a bit, which makes me feel good :o) I also was able to spend some extra time with a patient and her mom, which is also nice. I feel like I can learn SO much from the parents of these chronically ill children. It really puts things into perspective when I can actually SEE what kinds of things are expected of them when they go outpatient...it is CRAZY...especially when I think about some of the parents we get! I believe I am a better nurse because of when I learn from listening.

Recovering

I have decided that I am WAY to old to stay awake until 2:00 in the morning "just because". How happy was I to get a call at 8:00 telling me I didn't have to work this morning! I'm not even going to try and make them pay for a "cancellation" because staying in bed was worth MUCH more than the fifty or so dollars I would have gotten. So, I stayed in bed until close to 11:30. Of course, the fact that I have my thermostat set at 62 so I'm just a LITTLE bit on the chilly side since it has been getting close to freezing at night. I got an extra blanket and just slept the morning away! It was wonderful!

I DID force myself to be a little bit productive, so I wrote some thank you notes and walked them to the post office, stopping at the grocery store on the way home. I unloaded the dishes from the dishwasher (it didn't take me a WHOLE week!) and loaded up the dirty ones. I raked some leaves and filled two bags (I know that doesn't sound like much, but I was outside close to an hour raking and filling).

I got my nails done, went and bought some new shirts, got a couple things at the pharmacy, and now I'm home and tired.

No more staying up late for me! (that is, until I forget what it felt like).

What a day!

Well, I guess the time change isn't affecting me TOO badly since this is later than I've stayed up in a LONG time (either that, or it's the 10 little packages of sweet tarts I ate an hour or so ago!). I AM actually starting to get tired, but since I haven't posted in a while, I decided to "go for it" (even though, I realize, like 5 people have ever read an entire post...).

I did a visit this morning which was fine. The family support worker does parenting classes during the visits, so I'm learning AND getting paid! While I was there, I got a call from a former patient's mother who had become a friend when she was here, but I hadn't talked to in a while. I obviously couldn't take the call since I was working, but called her when I got off and found out that her son was getting admitted to my hospital and they were on their way. They aren't really sure what is wrong, but I'm praying that he won't have to be here very long. I did get a chance to catch up with my friend since I was already at the hospital. Because, yesterday, I offered to sit with a patient so her mom could do something "normal" like go to the store to buy "necessities". I wasn't sure she would take me up on my offer, and was prepared to be okay with that (and decided that if that happened, I would clean my house). So, my house stays a mess, but I had a great time "hanging out" with this precious girl and visiting with her mom. They are both struggling right now and this was something VERY easy for me to do that seemed to help for a couple hours at least. AND, I didn't have to make a "special trip" five minutes down the road to visit my friend and her son. I suppose I should go to bed soon in case I am called to the hospital tomorrow to be a friend :o)

I had dinner with another friend (boy, am I blessed or what?!) and we had a nice visit (and lots of laughs at the expense of our poor waiter...we were nice to him, I promise!). She is going to be my partner for a "cornhole" tournament on Saturday. I'm REALLY excited about that one!

Okay, off to bed (it looked like there was some kind of outage occuring in 10 minutes anyway!).

Is it REALLY necessary?

Daylight Savings Time, that is... I live in "farm country" but admit that I know pretty much nothing about farming, and just about as much about the reasoning behind the time change. I hear that Daylight Savings Time was to help people who work outside (like farmers) work longer hours during harvest. I'm thinking that there is equipment now that have large lights so they can work even when it is dark...of course, that's just a thought.

All I know is that the time change REALLY messes up those of us who work in settings where TIME really matters! I have worked night shifts both on the "spring forward" and "fall back" days (guess which one NO one wants to work?!). It's always a debate/dilemma about such things as when to give the antibiotic? when can they REALLY have another pain med? which 0200 should I use for replacement fluid or increasing tube feeding rate? will that hour of extra or missed IV fluids make a difference? Never mind the fact that the hours of 0100-0300 were the hardest parts of the night anyway and having to "re-do" one of those painful hours is, in fact, quite "painful". Is it really worth all this mess? I'm wondering if there are as many night nurses as there are farmers...maybe they can "band together" and protest!

I guess it's an extra special day to "thank my lucky stars" that I no longer have to work the night shift. It just so happens that today was my first of three days in a row. So, not only should I get my same "cool" patients back, I get to sleep an extra hour!

Dora for the Day

After dressing like a "Doodlebop" last year,

I set some pretty high standards for myself!

So, this year, I decided to be "Dora the Explorer"

I really thought my costume was pretty good on its own

(I even wore yellow socks!)
But people told me they wouldn't have had any idea...
if it wasn't for the PURPLE BACKPACK!

Dora and Pippi

Yep, I'm standing on a chair!

The Child Life Department held a parade for the kids and they got a ton of stuff! Last year I didn't work, so got to go for fun. At least I got to see most of the kids as they came through our floor. One little Hispanic girl called me Dora all day long and was excited to get to play ball with "Dora". It was SO cute (too bad my Spanish is VERY limited!). I will say, though, that fourteen hours with a wig on is just a little bit too long. I could hardly wait until I got home (but I had to wait until my mom came over to see it first!).

Texas Vacation

Here are some photos from my vacation. I had SO much fun (it was a "serendipitous" vacation as mentioned in a previous post). I was thinking it was just going to be a picture show of all that I had to drink, but realized that there WERE other photos taken! (and, to be honest, I actually just had one alcoholic beverage each day even though I kept thinking it was more than that!).

Explanation on the "AMEALAKA" reference. In college, at one point in time there were four sets of roommates who were "all" friends. We called ourselves "AMEALAKA" for the first letter in each of our names. As times go, people change as do friendships. We have sort of gone our separate ways with some keeping in contact with a few members and different "groups" have formed. Without giving TOO much away, I "happen" to be one of the "A's" (the third one actually, I believe, although I like to think I'm the first one!). I'm "bestest friends" with the "M" and we made plans with the "E" while we were in town. That's where we thought it would end for the trip (the last time we all tried to get together it was quite the drama so we didn't tell anyone else we were coming). So, it was quite the "shocker" when the "L" showed up three people behind us in line at Six Flags. It turned out great and the four of us caught up on "old times". Besides getting together with one of my best friends, reminiscing about old times was the rationale behind the vacation. There has been MUCH renovation and changes to our college campus and this is the last semester that my dorm of three years will be a dorm as it will become offices. I cried a bit about that, but DID make it inside to take some pictures.

Enjoy the photos...my first slide show (just a few posts after the first "link" I created!).

Everyone Should Blog

So, I'm back at home. When I was in the airport in Dallas, I called my mom. For whatever reason, we started talking about "my blog" even though she was at work and I was not quite in that kind of conversation mode. I have mentioned here before that she is quite against the blogging thing and has said she does not want to be "out there"...sorry mom, your picture definitely has been on here, but I am pretty sure I have been "careful". She said she is "private" and doesn't understand what it's all about or why people do it. I have told her that a lot of people post more stuff than I do, including many details of their lives. Oh how I will have to leave the country the day that I decide to come out of "hiding"...I think that is one of the reasons this blog remains "anonymous"...because I don't want to "disappoint" my mother. Yes, I'm 28 years old, but how terrible would it be if something not-so-good happened because of my blogging...okay, not going to "go there".

Anyway, I slept my entire first flight, but before the second flight took off, I pulled out the "Spirit" Magazine (flying Southwest :o) ). Wouldn't you know, there was an article in their "WhoWhatWhenWhereHowWhy" section titled "Everyone Should Blog". It was written by Daniel Radosh and I tried to link to it, but you can't get to the article from the Southwest web site. I'm going to make my mom read it (she said she'd be willing to keep an open enough mind to do that!). Here are some of the highlights: "...for most people, blogging is not a form of media, like magazines or television. It's more analogous to conversation. Bloggers blog for the same reason people talk to colleagues at the water cooler or to neighbors in line at the bank, because humans are social creatures who enjoy shooting the breeze..." "Yes, most blogs are pretty mundane in one sense, but at the same time, they're as important as any exchange that keeps people connected..." "The power of the blogosphere is not in the reach of any one blogger, but in the aggregate of them all, as links and ideas are traded and multiplied..." "Everyone should talk politics, sports, religion, knitting, or whatever interests them. That's why everyone should blog."

I HAVE been thinking that someone could do a pretty interesting psychology experiment with blogs. What kinds of things people will put out there for strangers to read, what kinds of not nice things people are willing to write to complete strangers, how strangers can get into stupid arguments or religious disputes, even how one blog can end up reaching people from around the world, and maybe a blog has even changed "the world". It is interesting to me. That's why I read...or so I say.

I'll keep blogging, even though I REALLY don't have that much to say. Maybe tomorrow, I'll post about the remainder of my vacation...mostly it is a photo montage of what I had to drink over the course of 4 days, but I had fun, and that's what matters :o)

Serendipity

I'm on vacation and having an AWESOME time! It is late and I should either be in bed or visiting with my friend, but here I am. Here are some serendipitous things that have happened the past couple of days. My mom loves that word "serendipity," so I'm happy to use it!

• On Thursday, I worked at the pumpkin patch. I was working at a place that I have never worked at before. I had to leave at 4:00 but the next person wasn't coming until 5. At around 3:30, I was starting to clean up things so it wasn't a mess. I went out the back door for the first time all day (I worked 9-4) and who noticed me come out the door, but my aunt! I had NO idea she would be there and the fact that she was there at that same time and noticed me is craziness (or serendipitous as the case may be!). So, she and my cousins came inside to visit me for a few minutes.
• Yesterday, I flew to Texas and met my friend (and later another friend). We had a great time on a campus tour and other stuff...I will post pictures, but again, it is late and I should be sleeping! Anyway, we were at the bookstore and another aunt had mentioned that my cousin wanted a shirt. So, I called her from there. Now, the day before, I had her set aside a few pumpkin patch coupons in case a patients family was able to make it out there on Thursday. Apparently, she had taken down the tickets on Friday, but just so happened (serendipity, right?!) to be in the office when someone (I'm assuming those people...I haven't talked to them) came to the gate asking for coupons. Luckily, she knew the deal and was able to get them out again, but did not have time to meet the family (so, I'm not sure if it was really them!). I did get a cute shirt for my cousin, and am SO happy if that family did indeed get to go out for the day.
• Now today, my two college friends and I went to Six Flags. We were there for 8 hours and went on 4 roller coasters and 2 other rides...it was NUTS there! We had just gotten in line for our second one and another friend from college who lives over two hours away, who we haven't talked to or seen for over a year and a half, ends up right behind us! How crazy is that?! Again, serendipity! So, we visited in line for that hour and a half and then again in the next hour plus line. It was great!

This has been a GREAT vacation so far and there is more fun to come tomorrow, but for now, I should either be social or sleep :o)

Runaway Sox

Wow, what a baseball game! I actually only watched a little bit of it and then decided to get caught up on my TiVo shows so they don't all delete while I'm out-of-town. Right now it is 13-1...looks like a pretty solid lead at Fenway!

Today was such a good day at work...makes me kind of wish I was working again tomorrow so I could have the same patients. Happy parents, happy kids, good nursing students, not crazy busy so I got to do a little bit of "hanging out" with my patients' families (the ones that spoke English, that is). I have no complaints. It's all about attitude, I think, and I'm trying SO hard to keep mine positive. On my "side" there were four nurses. Two of the other three were two of the only three or four that I do not care to work with. The last time I saw something like that coming on the schedule I was dreading it. I didn't realize that was the deal today, but also knew that I had my patients from yesterday and it was quite possible I wouldn't have to deal with them. I did eat lunch alone, which isn't that uncommon. The other three had discharges and two admissions, so I helped a tiny bit, but mostly stayed in my little corner, or was in my patients' rooms "working". That actually doesn't sound very good, but it made for a very good day, and I'd have to say that I believe my three patients got some pretty awesome care :o) (even if one of them was by nursing students!). The patient I was freaking out about a couple weeks ago found her way back to the general floor to be my patient once again. I was excited about that and think I'm "growing on" her mom and today I made my best good impression on the rest of the family. I do work hard to take care of all my patients, but sometimes there are those that you have to make a special effort (otherwise, you can have a miserable time!).

Well, this is quite a bit of rambling, and hardly about the baseball game. That's why my blog is titled "Do I have anything to say?". I got my nails done after work, it's late, and I'm tired. I think I'll go to sleep even though I will probably regret it tomorrow when I have to pack for my trip at this same time and have to get up by 5:00 in the morning the next day. Maybe I can get some stuff organized so it won't take as long.

28 Great years

Of course, there were times it didn't seem that great, but my life, for the most part, has been "great". I have learned a lot in my 28 years, especially during my past four working with chronically ill children and their families. Some of these families take each day with their child as a gift; transplant is often a choice they make to possibly give their child a "normal" life. I won't pretend to be like that, but do try and remember that I have been VERY blessed in my life. I have awesome parents, a terrific family, a job I love that pays my bills and allows me to have some fun too, good friends...and so much more. Sure, I spend more time reading blogs than I do praying. I definitely take more naps than I probably should. I eat too much, don't exercise enough. I have made choices in my life that gave me great experiences, but left me with less money...most of the time I do not regret that because those choices led me to so much more. I'm a year older, a year more experienced, a year closer to 30...I'm pretty sure only God knows what is in store for me this next year because I have no idea what my plans are.







Flowers from my friend in Pennsylvania...so nice!!
(and very unexpected!)









I told my Grandma that I had nothing "Catholic" in my house.
She and my Grandpa got me this print of The Last Supper.
They also decided that when they can no longer have their Statue of Mary, she is mine. I almost cried (and, we decided that that won't happen for quite a while!).










28 ounces of Margarita for my 28th Birthday (I'm sure I gained SO much weight today! Out to lunch, out to dinner, over a pint of ice cream...wow!)
















"Trick" and "Treat" wine from my sister and brother-in-law.
My parents gave me a very nice card, money, a cute t-shirt, dinner, dessert, and my LIFE of course!

First Hockey Game

On Friday, I attended my first hockey game. I was invited by the mom of one of the transplant patients who also had to receive chemo-like drugs for her PTLD. I have baby-sat her a few times and she is a riot! She was invited to the game because a couple cancer patients were chosen for some special events this weekend. I got to go out to the ice with her when she shot her puck so I could take pictures. It was SO fun! She did not want to leave the ice and it was hilarious! I actually saw about half of the 9 goals that were scored (I hear that's a lot for hockey...it was a college game). Her mom decided that we should attend another game and actually watch it. Sounds like a fun plan to me :o)

I didn't know it was a "pink out" for Breast Cancer

or I would have worn pink.

She wore pink, but this is her favorite outfit.

Once when I was baby-sitting, she decided to

wear it to the park.

"Because, then people will tell me I'm cute."

Ok, that works (and is SO true)!

Shooting her puck (she had to go first...

and last!)

After the game.

We had a lot of fun!

Looks like it is going to be a Red Sox versus Rockies World Series. I'll have to decide if I want to stick with "my Red Sox" or root for the "Cinderella Story". I do have a couple of days! Tomorrow's my big TWO-EIGHT, so I should go to bed soon if I want to feel like I've "slept in" since I have a rather busy day scheduled.

The cookies were a hit with the nurses on my floor today. I found someone to deliver some to the transplant team tomorrow (otherwise, knowing me, I would have gone in on my birthday to deliver them myself rather than wait until Tuesday!)

Mission Accomplished!

I will have to post about my first hockey game another time (I went last night and it was a lot of fun!). I also will talk about the flowers I got for my birthday--so nice!

But, today was a bit slow at work. Not bad, and much appreciated since I hadn't worked since Wednesday and being up out of bed for 13 hours wasn't something I'd done in a while! The new thing we are doing at work is that we are supposed to bring treats for our birthday like in elementary school. I'm not sure if anyone else has done this, but I'm all for that! Baking snickerdoodles is my "specialty". I haven't done it in a while so was a little out-of-practice, but that's what I wanted to do. Unfortunately, I am working the two days before and two days after my birthday, so unless I wanted to bake on my birthday, I had to do it tonight. I got home around 8:30 and "puttered around" for a little bit before making my double batch of dough. I started rolling the cookies at about 9:15 and took my last batch (85 cookies total...I counted) out at 10:22 which happens to be my favorite time (since my birth date is 10/22, of course!). They look a tiny bit different than how I remember them being last time, but I did taste two (about to have my third) and they taste good to me :o) Now, I'll have to decide how to "divvy" them up.

Well, now that I know the ALCS is going to game 7, I can go to bed...GO RED SOX!!

The countdown is on...my birthday is the day after tomorrow :o)

The Gift of Life

I found this story on another blog and wanted to share it. It is an inspiring story of the gift of life. Beware, Kleenex necessary. Working with transplant patients is pretty much what I do. I have not yet worked with a donor since I doing work in Intensive Care, so it is interesting/sad to see "the other side".

Also, this is my FIRST TIME to put a link in my blog (and I THINK I did it twice!). I'm not sure if I'll remember how to do it the next time since it took me a good twenty minutes or so and I don't even know if it will work!

Change of Plans

So, I got a 5:30 AM call from the PICU charge nurse telling me that I am not needed today. Unfortunately, one of the sickest patients passed away last night, so they did not need as many nurses and they were able to get float nurse help. I am very sad about that child losing his battle...he was such a sweet baby with a SUPER nice mom...I guess that's what happens when you work with very sick kids, but it doesn't make it any easier. I'm also a little annoyed because when I volunteered to work extra, I specifically asked if they would try and find float help or if they were going to use me no matter what. They assured me that I would count into their staffing and would not be cancelled. I have a call into my manager to hopefully clear that up. Of course, it isn't ALL bad...I didn't get up until 9:45, I got to work out for the third time this week (much needed!), it is raining AGAIN so I can probably curl up with a book, take a nap, or scrapbook. My mom is coming home today, so I can see her (I hear my dad is making his "famous" tuna casserole!). Of course, it kind of messed up my "plan" and now I don't get that extra money, but I guess money isn't everything!

Maybe more later...gosh, I'm starting to blog A LOT...kind of funny since I also have a regular journal too :o)

Oh what fun...

Today's shift definitely had it's ups and not quite up there... I started off with two patients and sent one home before I got to have an early, mostly uninterrupted lunch (oh so rare in my world!). Right before that happened, a mother brought her child up to the floor to visit me. It was SO sweet! She said that she had come a couple times before when I was not working. Her baby was 7 months old when he received part of her liver. He is now 14 months old and adorable as ever! I actually only took care of him 2 or 3 times, but really connected with this family (at least, it seems that way to me since they did go out of their way to try and visit me!). This little boy let me pick him up and snuggled with me, giving me hugs...oh my gosh, it was priceless! For a 14 month old to be like that to a "stranger" is just amazing (maybe he remembers me from "way back when " so I'm not a stranger any more!). They are moving to another state, so that could have been my last visit, but I DID give the mom my address, so hopefully I'll get a Christmas card :o)

After lunch was when it all began to get crazy. One of my patients actually had two different student nurses, which, we all have to learn, but sometimes students are more work. This patient is quite the pistol to put it mildly and doesn't really like new people (she is 10 going on like 13 or 15 or 20). So, she wouldn't let the students do some of her cares, so I had to, but she didn't really want me either...argh! I got an admission around 3:00. It was "just" respiratory distress, but no English is spoken in that household, so it took a little bit of extra time. That patient was assigned a nursing student as he was getting admitted...okay, that is SO not cool! Luckily, she was a nice student who actually held MY hand as I started one of the few IVs I have attempted in my 5 years as a nurse (sad, but true). It only took one poke and I was pretty proud of that! Of course, he didn't get his first respiratory treatment until my shift was over...oops, kind of forgot about that being the reason he was admitted (**I WAS monitoring him and he was in no danger, but still not quite the way it should have been). In the meantime, the charge nurse started admitting another patient (reminder, I now only have two patients, since one went home). It figured that it would be my patient but that fact didn't really set in until she had done most of the work and was like "so, are ya going to assess him and do the charting?" Uh, yeah, I'll get right on that. After all that, I did manage to clock out at the "normal" time (oh, 7:40).

So, tomorrow I decided to work a "bonus shift" in the PICU...if I feel any complaints coming on, I suppose I'm going to have to keep reminding myself "this was your choice; this is your fault; you brought this on yourself; you need the money; this is not that bad" Oh my, here's hoping it isn't THAT bad. I actually know what patients I would like, but they will probably get a float nurse too, so I'll probably have to take different ones (or, I could get lucky and get who I want!).

Well, it could be a busy day tomorrow, so I better get some sleep. That's all for tonight folks (ha ha like anyone is reading!)

Good friends everywhere

This morning I made it to Curves for what was, I believe, only my fourth workout in two months. Not only has my body been missing out physically, but emotionally too. I have been missing my social time, my time to talk about what is going on in my life. There, I find myself able to talk freely without judgement (or very little anyway!). The people there have heard about MOST of my issues and talking has helped me through them. I have been blessed with a great group of women, many of whom, I am embarrased to say, I do not know their names. Since I work out in the morning (not the early morning!), the majority of those there are either stay-at-home moms or retired women...both good groups to get advice from :o)

Today, I worked out with a woman I had not seen for a while (obviously, I've hardly been there to see ANYONE!). She has a high-schooler and a kid in junior high. We've had coffee a couple of times, and I baby-sat her kids for a few days about a year ago. She asked if I wanted to get coffee today after our work-out--for "fifteen minutes". I had a couple hours before I worked, so said sure. We ended up visiting for nearly an hour about all sorts of stuff. I actually told her things that I'm not sure I've told anyone...worries, fears, plans, ideas, goals, issues, etc. that I've been holding inside. I think they have been wanting to get out for a while but didn't know who to tell, or what exactly was going on inside. I am pretty sure I feel a lot better without such a heavy weight inside. She listened very well and basically made me feel like I am not crazy. She did, however, help me to realize that some things will just happen and I need to be ready. Wow, this seems pretty vague, and it is, but I am feeling better and that's what matters. I did listen a little bit to her, but did a lot of talking!

How grateful I am to have such good friends! I have many of these types of friends...friends I talk to a couple of times a year but we get back into "the groove" quickly and I am changed by every encounter. This is a great reminder for me, because I spent the rest of the afternoon "bored" (since I haven't felt like scrapbooking, didn't feel like reading, and definitely not wanting to clean!). It's "Biggest Loser Night", so I'm going to go get dessert with a friend...I know, I'm terrible!

One good thing about no one really reading my blog but me is that I don't get crazy nasty comments. I canNOT believe the things people are willing to write on other people's blogs! Today, somebody wrote on a blog I read of a chronically ill child. They wrote asking why her parents are putting her through so much, why they would take her to the best hospital that can care for her that is miles away from the rest of her family, why not just "let her go"...this was so hurtful for ME to read...I can't imagine what her parents felt. Luckily, they have proven to be very strong people and will not let the comments of one stranger affect their hope and faith.

Anyway, I better get ready for dessert!

Family photos

Well, I'm still thinking about my "issues" and am

not sure what to post about today.

I was looking to see what pictures I could add

and found photos from my mom's birthday

that was at the end of August.

She is out-of-town right now, so maybe

this will make me miss her less :o)

I did talk to her on the phone twice today and have

been hanging out with my dad--

going to the horse races and watching baseball!!

(he doesn't like being a "bachelor")

My mom with the chef at Kobe Steakhouse

Dad, Sister, Mom, Me

Brother-in-law, Sister, Mom, me

My birthday is next week...I guess I need to decide

where we should eat (maybe somewhere

with healthy food...or not!)

Stormy weather

It has been raining almost non-stop for three days now. I love thunderstorms and the sound of rain beating down, but this is crazy! Luckily, it didn't rain that hard during the breast cancer walk. It was amazing how many people were there supporting this cause. The theme of the walk was "Hope starts with me" and you could definitely feel the hope in the air. It only took us about 45 minutes to walk the route, so I'm pretty sure it was closer to a 5K than a 5 mile, so I had no trouble (although, I'm a little tired and it's not even 7:30, so it definitely took some effort). We took a school bus (22 of us from Curves) on the 60 mile drive to the walk, so it was a fun time even with the weather.

When I got home, I found out that a patient I took care of yesterday got really sick overnight. I just started bawling! It made me question everything that happened...did I miss something? Should I have asked for more tests? Should I have had someone else do another assessment? This child has been through so much and her family is amazing...why did this happen to her again? I guess my only consolation is that I believe that I worked with the mother yesterday in doing some "problem solving". She knew something wasn't right and I agreed with her. We went down her list of symptoms multiple times. I asked her multiple times what she thought we should do, what she wanted me to do. I just cried and cried (of course, I was also watching some ice skating thing on TV that was talking about people with cancer, songs about kids with cancer, hearing my favorite song from "Wicked"...I was already a mess of emotions!). I am praying SO hard for this child and her family. She needs to get better and go back home soon.

After my meltdown, I showered, then went to the horse races (simulcast) with my dad. This is something fun that we do together, but hadn't done in a while. My mom is out-of-town, so it was a great time. Of course, we lost every race we bet (usually we win at least one!). We didn't even come close!!

But, now I'm home in time to watch the baseball game. I'm sad that the Red Sox ended up losing last night. Tonight, I think I'll root for the Rockies (if I can stay up late enough to watch the whole game...taking a long walk, pouring rain, and crying wiped me of all my energy!)

Tomorrow, my supervised visit is at Chuck E. Cheese...so it can't be THAT bad of a day!