The "C" word

My aunt called...she was making "the phone calls" and my mom happened to be at my house. So, I received the next phone call. During the past week, she has had two mammograms and a biopsy. Today she was told it is malignant. Tomorrow she meets with the surgeon. Hopefully they will have a treatment plan after that meeting. The initial pathology report looks like Stage 1. Luckily she works with a lot of pathologists and is feeling blessed about that. My sister is getting married in 10 days. She still hopes to travel here for that. My four years away from home at college were just minutes from where she and her family lived. She became my second mom, sometimes the "first mom". She is the one I call when I can't talk to my mom. She will be a survivor.

Really tired!

I'm not sure why I'm so tired lately. It isn't even 9:00 but I am SO ready for bed! I actually took nearly an hour nap earlier this evening and it didn't seem to help. A tiny part of me is wondering if it's because I've been having cups of sangria every night since I made it on Saturday... I haven't worked at the hospital since Friday and when I do go back, it will be for three days in a row, so I should rest up while I can! I had my annual evaluation at work today. It went alright. My boss did have some nice suggestions on how I can do better, so I have some classes to take to help me with communication, leadership, conflict management, and maybe even something to help me with my emotions (I wish I could afford a therapist...some days I REALLY think I could use one!).

My special assignment with CPS seems to have taken a bit of an intersting turn. I think I have gotten myself into the middle of an agency conflict. I have been working with family support workers from one agency and today during a visit, I received a phone call that I didn't quite understand. So, I had the person I was working with listen and she was able to tell me that this person was from another agency...nice way to find out you are soon to be without a job...oops! I think my job is safe for now...but is that a good thing?! Well, the paycheck is pretty good and I had to dig into my savings once again just to pay bills...oh thank goodness my windows aren't here yet!! I need to work anyway...I've been a little bored these past 4 days of not working all the time (even though there is plenty of stuff I could be doing!).

My celebrity look-alikes

Trying to recover from a not-very-fun week. This looked like fun...oh if only I REALLY looked like that (although the Dakota Fanning thing is a bit interesting!)

Which way is UP?

Last week's issues were caused by hormones and lots of changes. This week I fear I am setting myself up for a breakdown from exhaustion. I like to stay busy so maybe I won't sit on the couch all day and gain more weight than I already do on a regular basis. However, for the past five days, I have either worked a 12 hour shift, worked two jobs back-to-back, or both, including one night shift. AND, I still have probably 30 hours of work left this week. I can feel myself getting crabby already! Why do I do this to myself?! Of course, making money is nice, but one of my jobs has yet to pay me for over 15 hours worked...I'm being patient I promise! I AM having vacation withdrawal and not ready to give up my daily latte, so money is good...I'm just not quite sure that working every day is all that great (that's supposed to be the up-side of working 12-hour shifts...4 days OFF a week!). In all my craziness with scheduling, I managed to sign myself up to work on my mom's birthday, my dad's birthday, my friend's baby's first birthday, the day of the transplant pig roast at the head surgeon's house, and probably the day my sister and her new husband will open their wedding gifts. If my cousin (the "real" maid-of-honor) hadn't called me yesterday, I probably would have forgotten that my sister's bachelorette party is this Saturday at MY MESSY HOUSE! I guess that was a nice reminder that I need to go to the store and do something about that adjective that so perfectly describes my place of residence. Oh what to do what to do...it doesn't look like October will be any less crazy, but I suppose I should try to make it through August first. What day is it again?...I think the doctor (or nurse) orders an early bedtime tonight (after a glass of wine...or maybe a margarita).

Of course, the fact that the heat index has made it triple digits for a week or so now is helping SO much. My grass is about a foot tall but you aren't gonna get me out there mowing in this heat! Oh well, let the neighbors be mad...I'm hot, tired, and crabby.

Change is in the Air

Sunday was my sister's wedding shower. She is getting married in 25 days! On my mom's side of the family, there are 21 grand kids, including 13 granddaughters. This will be the first wedding! Eleven of the girls made it to the shower. Four of my grandpa's sisters and three of my mom's cousins also came. It was SO much fun! I guess that means we are growing up...or at least getting older!

Family changes AND work changes...her last day is next Friday. I found out today that another work friend is changing jobs (it isn't "official" so I suppose that means, no photo on the blog yet!). I pretty much burst into tears when she told me, and proceeded to cry any time throughout the day that I thought about it. Of course, these are wonderful opportunities for both of them...I suppose what more can you ask for than for your friends to be happy?

His mom is the one who painted my spare bedrooms. She also was the "sounding board" for many of my issues this summer...a great new friend. I think I may have helped her too :o) Fortunately, he is better and they were able to go back home this weekend. It was a bit of a "rushed" good-bye, but of course, me being the emotional one, I did shed some tears (to cut myself a LITTLE slack, it WAS right after I just worked my third 12-hour shift in a row and they were pretty rough/emotional ones!). He gets to go to Kindergarten...I'm so happy for them!

I will say that one really good change that has happened recently is that I have some new friends! The Young Adult group at my church is in its early stages. Some of them have been in the group for a year, but I started going a few months ago to various social events. We went to a baseball game and they handed out free bread...how funny is that?! Tonight we had a planning meeting and have some fun events planned, and hopefully some service and spiritual ones too.

Well, I have finished my mint chocolate chip ice cream and this post is complete, so now I can go to bed. Back to work tomorrow...it's hard to believe I've been off for FOUR days! Hopefully things aren't as crazy this week as they were last week!

Is this a good thing?

57%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

Houston Singles from Mingle²

Better than 90% I guess!!

A little "clarity"

Today I finally was able to gather my thoughts (or, so I THOUGHT) and decided to talk to those individuals I believed were involved in the "hiring" for the position I wanted. I spoke with one person and asked why they would put out a request for applicants and not even conduct interviews or accept a written statement about why we wanted the position or what we would bring to the program. She bowed out of that one and told me to talk to her boss. I have conflict issues and was pretty impressed that my "instant hives" managed to stay away during this discussion and tried to gear myself up for the next person. Luckily, I managed to have the next conversation over the phone. My emotions got the best at me and I found myself crying my eyes out in an empty room (reminder, I'm at WORK!) as I listened to her also tell me that she really wasn't involved in the "process" because there wasn't really a "process" as far as she knew. I said something to the effect that I didn't get it because I have "brown hair" or lost a game of "eeny, meeny, miney, moe"? I expressed my disappointment and she said they never wanted any hurt feelings, they just wanted the position filled by a qualified, knowledgeable person. While I kept trying to tell myself that it had nothing to do with me, my looks, my personality, or my skills, it was nice to actually hear that (at least, I'll tell myself that's what I heard!). I know that everything happens for a reason and accept that God has other plans for me (one of which involves an "easy" job that pays me $35/hr on my days off from the hospital!). I do also know that there is at least one other person involved in all this who may be getting an earful from me (if I can keep my emotions in check!). I seriously thought that I was a bit of a suck-up, but in this case, my reputation seems to have failed me...or maybe not.

Luckily, my patients "behaved"...the kids in the PICU definitely did not get that memo...it could be a bad week. Lots of prayers.

Quick Post (maybe!)

I decided it has been a few days and time to post. I actually had a fun weekend, but am trying to watch a show, so will make this as quick as I can...not very easy since I tend to be quite "wordy".

Today, my friend finished painting my guest room. Her son has been in the hospital for nearly a week, so getting that project done made her feel a sense of accomplishment (at least, that's what she keeps telling me and I have to believe her...she wouldn't even let me help!). I don't have all the furniture I want or the wall stuff up yet, but plan to put up "finished" pictures when it is ready. My office is also ready to be put together and then I can start getting stuff out of my bedroom (I was nearly living in my bedroom until about 8 months ago, so I have a lot of "stuff" in there that can now be moved into other areas of the house in a hopefully more organized manner!). I have less than 3 weeks to get it looking "party ready" since my sister's Bachelorette party is here.



Today I also worked out for the first time in about two weeks. It was pretty tough (I didn't actually think it would be that bad because I have been REALLY busy and DO work 12-hour shifts!). I also sat on the couch and ate ice cream for the second night in a row, so I'm probably up a few pounds anyway.



Well, I "TiVo'ed" 6 Degrees of Martina McBride and am interested to see how it turns out, so that's my update for today.

Just for fun

Mingle² - Free Online Dating

So, maybe I need to start "spicing it up" a little bit on here!

Yesterday I was such a grouch at work...luckily for everyone else, I was off today and also tomorrow. I'm about to take a nap so my friends who have to sit through a dinner with me tonight hopefully will not be wishing I'd have taken a rain check.

Pity party anyone?

Oh what a week...can I start over? Or maybe jump to the end? Sunday at work my leadership was questioned because I didn't want to be the nurse of the transplant kid I baby-sit. My family is on vacation without me. Campbell Brown left the Today Show. I had to float to the PICU yesterday (but actually had a super easy day...so, maybe no pity party for that). My best friend from work is moving to Philadelphia. I put my name in for a new position and they hired someone else without conducting interviews. The transplant kid of my friend who is helping at my house is sick and maybe in the hospital (I haven't heard from her since this afternoon). My friend had a baby over a week ago and I still haven't talked to her. I hate my softball team. Did I mention my family is having fun without me in Las Vegas? Tomorrow is my last day at the doctor's office which one of the reasons I quit is because of the potential new position mentioned above that I wasn't given a chance to fight for. Argh. Now I actually have to do my self-evaluation that was due yesterday...and pour myself a margarita (and try not to cry).

Busy Busy!

Gosh, it hardly seems like I had three days "off" in a row last week because the past three days have been going going gone and I work another "12" at the hospital tomorrow. My annual evaluation is due tomorrow, but I guess I'm turning it in late because I haven't started yet! I can hardly wait until Tuesday my "day off" which actually will probably turn into just a couple of hours. Oh what would I do if I had a significant other or a child?! I suppose I'd figure out SOMETHING! Time for some sleep :o)

Blogging for Organ Donation

One of the blogs I read (If I knew how to link to it, I would, sorry tc) encouraged people to blog about signing up to be an organ donor today. Since working with transplant patients is pretty much all I do, that was right up my alley.

I'm not feeling very eloquent even though this is a topic that is very close to my heart. As "they" say, a picture is worth a thousand words (but I'll let her mother "speak" too!) Here is the face of what organ transplant can do. She received her gift of life a year ago this Friday. For some reason she didn't want to look at the camera or smile today, but this girl just cracks me up. Her mom wrote a letter to the D.M.V thanking the people there for asking people to sign their donor cards. Below the photo is an edited version of what she wrote. (She is a much better writer than I am anyway!)

Dearest lifesaver, we hope you are well. Did you think that when you accepted your job at the D.M.V. you would help save lives every day? God bless you. You are a part of the elite few in this world who can claim this honor...if (our daughter) had not received (her transplant), she would not have survived. She is so full of life--hilarious and smart and loving and beautiful--and a very old soul. She has a knowing that amazes everyone she meets. Her big blue eyes are so wise, she touches people in ways that surprises and delights them, even perplexes them because they cannot believe such a young girl could be so sophisticated...When we got the call for her organs, we had a tea party and cheered 'to life! to life! to life!'...So thank you, thank you deeply and humbly. You are now part of (our team), one of the many special people who have helped give her life-and helped her teach others how to live. Next time you sign someone up to be an organ donor, know that (she) is cheering 'to life!'

Again, if I knew how to link, you could just click here to read my other postings about organ donation, but I don't so just go to the labels at the right if you're interested!!

Be an Organ and Tissue Donor and give the Gift of Life!! Sign up at http://www.organdonor.gov/donor/index.htm and tell your family!

All mine!

Today I made the last payment on my car! I am SO excited!! It is two months shy of four years old and today also hit the 18,800 mile mark. Needless to say, I do not drive very much :o) I am planning to make some improvements to my house and was wondering where the money was going to come from. Of course, I am still working most days doing this or that, but having one less bill to pay every month definitely cannot hurt! Oh how exciting my life is, I am "blogging" about my car. Now it's time for bed!

Hi Mom and Dad!

Tonight I finally decided to tell my parents about this blog. As mentioned in probably my first post, my mother is really pretty scared of the Internet, particularly identity theft and all "those horrible people" looking for someone to prey on. So, if you are one of those people, please make this your last visit to my blog :o)

Anyway, contrary to most kids, I actually probably have more disagreements with my parents now, as an adult, than I EVER did as a teenager. For the most part, though, they are the people with whom I "hang out". More often than not, I eat their food (and drink their alcohol). We sit at their dining room table or outside on their patio and visit at least 3 times a week, usually more. They have been instrumental in making me the person I am today (and I think I'm a pretty great person!) and have helped me through many changes, difficult decisions, and sometimes crazy life choices.

So, thanks mom and dad...hope you enjoy this post and my blog...Mom, I'll be careful :o)

Sometimes change is hard

This week, we had to say good-bye to a member of our transplant team as she moves on to another job opportunity. Luckily for me, she is still staying in the same building, but it will not be the same. Dealing with the transplant team sometimes is not the easiest or most enjoyable part of my job, but she definitely made it fun, even on the crabbiest and busiest of days. I am going to miss her SO much, but am happy we got to be friends and can "hang out" (which, I suppose could be easier now that she isn't working 60 hours a week!).

We had a fun party! Quite a few people even came in on their day off for it.

I also put in my notice at the doctors' office because my casual position was about to become more of a "part-time" job for a month or so. I have been enjoying my days off so much that I didn't feel like working every day, even for a short amount of time! It was really quite sad since I've been there for nearly 2 1/2 years and really like all the people there. Maybe I'll get a party though...that would make it a little better I think :o)

I still have a couple potential job opportunities that I'm still waiting to hear about, so there could be more changes in the air...in the meantime, the holiday has worn me out and I really should be in bed (this non-married, non-mother, non-night-shift person does not do well on little sleep!).

I guess that's it for now...maybe I'll post sooner than a week from now this time!

Hollywood Here I Come?!

Well, maybe not QUITE yet, but last Saturday I had the opportunity to be an extra in a movie that was being filmed here. It is to be an Independent film and they did some scenes at the hospital where I work. So, I got to be a nurse...what a stretch! Pretty interesting, though, that in the scene I was in, I had the paddles ready to shock the patient and was a good five feet away from the patients chest with the paddles...I wonder how they will EVER make that look even remotely real! (But, I'm not holding my breath on that one since it IS "Hollywood"!). It was a good time even though there was quite a bit of down time. There was an "actual" actress who played a nurse and she wore MY stethescope and name tag, so at least I can look forward to seeing that, since it shouldn't be cut out.


In other less, um, famous news, I am in the process of doing some work on my house (with some MAJOR help from a patient's mom who LOVES to paint...I am so lucky!) and also figuring out if I'm going to make some changes in my employment. I have a lot to think about and it has been a little stressful. So, I am seeking advice from lots of different people and probably will ask for
some help from up above as well :o) Until next time, I'll leave some photos of the "famous" me.


That would be MY purple stethoscope! Being a nurse is SO much fun!

Making a movie is a LOT of work!

Thinking about Angels

I have been in a great mood recently and am still happy, but have been thinking a lot about "my" angels. As a pediatric nurse, especially one who works with a lot of chronically ill children, death is inevitable. Because the kids spent so much time with us, I find myself having great relationships with them and their families. This has worked for me because I have a wonderful support system and have come to realize that each day is a gift, and part of my job is help make special memories. Each of these kids taught me something, and now they are some of the many angels I have watching over me. I think about their parents, how they must miss their babies SO much, and how many sacrifices they made to give their kids the best life possible. This is not supposed to be a sad post, but to help remind me that what I do means something and that I can make a difference every day. Plus, I have been wanting to share some lyrics to a song I found called "Borrrowed Angels" sung by Kristin Chenoweth. I think it is very appropriate.

They shine a little brighter, they feel a little more
They touch your life in ways no one has ever done before
They love a little stronger, they live to give their best

They make our lives so blest, so why do they go so soon?

The ones with souls so beautiful I heard someone say--

There must be Borrowed Angels, here in this life

They come along, into this world, and make this world bright

But they can't stay forever Cause they're heaven sent

And sometimes, heaven needs them back again

They reach a little deeper,

they see what's in your soul

And even when they leave you know,

you'll never let them go

The world's a little richer, just cause they came along

Their love goes on and on, so why do they go so soon?

The ones with souls so beautiful.

I heard someone say--

They must be Borrowed Angels, here in this life

They come along, into this world, and make this world bright

They can't stay forever, cause they're heaven sent

And sometimes, heaven needs them back again

How else can you explain why they're here and not here to stay?

I believe there must be, must be Borrowed Angels, here in this life

They come along, into this world, and make this world bright

But they can't stay forever, cause there heaven sent

And sometimes heaven needs them back again.

And sometimes heaven needs them back again.

I thank these parents for sharing their special angels with me. Some of them I knew for a couple months, others for a couple of years, but each of them has touched me in a way I will never forget. I am blessed for having been touched by them (and by the others whose pictures I only have in my heart and mind).

Quick post

I wanted to think of something cool to post about today, but now I'm too tired and I have to get up "early" even though it's my day off. I have enjoyed working my "straight days" schedule, but definitely do a good job of packing my days off with stuff to do! Today I baby-sat for the little girl I mentioned in a previous post. I wish I had a picture of her...one of these days, I'll have to take one. This girl just CRACKS ME UP! Unfortunately for me, she also remembers EVERY word that comes out of my mouth, but luckily I've been pretty good so far with that. We had SO much fun although I think I was kind of ready to "give her back". I can hardly believe I'm getting the "big bucks" for my fun, but looking at my messy house, there are definitely other things I could have done with my time... Well, this is a totally random and probably unnecessary post considering there are MAYBE three people reading, but at least it's done and I'm off to shower and go to sleep. Oh, my softball team got beat 1-12 tonight. That being said, we have won one game and the other six games we have lost by at least 75 runs...oh how fun. Good night!

It's been a few days...

Here I was thinking that I was going to post on here pretty much every day. Well, it has been quite a few, but I have been busy! I actually haven't worked since Monday...maybe that is why I have been in a such a good mood recently--my days off seem to be coming frequently and my work days have not been that bad! This week I was able to spend some time with some of my former patients who are still in town. I had a BLAST with those kids! Both are "pre-school" age and SO smart, funny, and full of life. Aside from the scars and a few other details, you can hardly tell they are sick. It is wonderful to see how organ donation can change a kids life for the better. There have been occasions at work where we wonder why we do this, but then are reminded that the kids in the hospital are the sick ones-that is why they are there-but there are so many others out there living their second chance to the fullest. Aside from hanging out the kids, I have been trying to make some improvements around my house. I still have piles of junk (mostly papers), but have gotten rid of a few things. I think I may do some painting next week or the following week (one of the kids' moms told me she LOVES to paint...how perfect is that?!). This house will be ready for visitors some day! I better get back to work :o)

Why "Just Me"?

I decided I wanted to start a blog before I decided on the name. I knew that I wanted it to be anonymous for the most part so I can write about whatever I want and just be myself. I think in one of my posts, or in a comment, I mentioned that everyone has a myspace and/or facebook account and some employers use that information. I also have both of those and people I haven't seen or talked to in YEARS have found me on there. While that is VERY cool in some ways, there are some opinions/things I wouldn't want to put out there (especially if I wanted to complain about something or someone!). Right now, this is a good venue for me. I have been able to be myself, my crazy, sometimes boring, sometimes drunken self. This is "Just Me"-no reason to pretend I'm something or someone I'm not because of who may be reading. Of course, I hope that I would be able to "keep it real" even if it wasn't "anonymous", but this is a very easy way to do that without even trying! Someday, it may become difficult to remain "anonymous", but for now I really like it! And, as the title of my post says "Do I have anything to say?" Or, does what I say really matter?! I guess if you like what you read, keep on reading!