This Book

As I mentioned in a previous post, I started this book on Sunday night. I had forgotten how much a book could take you away from reality. However, this book also has been working on snapping me back to reality. I really need "you" to read this book so we can have a "discussion" about it. I realize that I can attend the book club discussion about it with people at work, but I'm DEFINITELY more comfortable with "y'all" than ANYONE at work. I have been questioning who I am REALLY and what I am I really doing with my life. As much as I say that this blog is "Just Me", it is really just the me that I am willing to write about...I think there is a lot about "me" that I either don't know, or do not want to think about because I'm afraid to know...

I cried within the first 60 pages. I have a little over 100 pages left and two girls at work said they BAWLED through the last one hundred. I think I may need to wait until these three shifts are over because work can be emotionally draining enough. I also believe I need to take my time and spend some time contemplating all that happened in the first 350 pages that sent my head spinning...

I don't want to "ruin" the book for anyone who would like to have a little "discussion" once they have finished it. It is a book about life that spans from the 1970s to the present. It is a book about friendship, about being loved, about getting hurt. It is about hopes and dreams, and also about those that are lost. Anyway, maybe it has just been a long time since I read a book "for fun", but this has definitely "spoken" to me...

On a semi-related note...one night earlier this week, I turned off my light and crawled into bed. As I pulled up the covers, I thought, "I am in this bed, in this house, alone." Well, no sh** Sherlock...it has been that way for a LONG time...forever pretty much. Seriously, where did that come from?! (Darn book!) I quickly attempted to "shush" my thoughts and remind myself that this is "okay", it REALLY is. Look at all you can do, all you have been able to do, because things are the way they are, because things HAVE been the way they are. No regrets, it is what it is...and I am happy....REALLY, I am :o) (That is my "mission" in life, after all--to bring joy and laughter to those who are hurting, those who are suffering, those who need a bright spot in their day--there is no time for self-pity or sadness when you have a job to do...of course, since this is my blog, I could hide the fact that tears fell down my cheeks as I typed those words, but since I am trying to be more honest, that is the truth...however, it does not mean I do not believe that the way things are is not as they should be, because they are, and all is well...)

"I've always thought that people need to feel good about themselves and I see my role as offering support to them, to provide some light along the way." ~Leo Buscaglia

Good night.

Ok...better add this since it may make some sense of my being extra emotional. I had an idiotic/hurtful conversation with my mother this evening. I was calling to tell her that our "estimate" of the size of my kitchen was off by half, so it is going to cost a lot more for my new floors than we thought. They are getting a new dining room set and asked my sister and brother-in-law if they would like it before they try to sell it (my kitchen is way too small and I don't have a dining room). Somehow, the conversation turned to MY piano that is now residing at my aunt and uncles. My mom tried to sell it a while back and I freaked out because, you know, it is MY piano. My aunt took pity on me and offered to store it at her house until I was ready for it at mine. So, why did my mom take TONIGHT as the opportunity to tell me that it isn't actually MY piano...I didn't pay for it, who said it was MINE?! Um, really, are we having this conversation because, seriously, you need a little "extra cash" badly enough to sell off the one piece of "furniture" that means something to me?! I'm sorry you bought two televisions, a refrigerator, and a dining room set this week and are feeling short on cash...ok, that is totally mean, but there are tears streaming down my face and I'm pretty darn ticked. I really thought things were getting better...earlier this week, I mentioned a "dilemma" I was having regarding a birthday present I'd like to buy for Ginger's daughter. The shipping costs more than the item and I have tried multiple ways to get around that. That night, she said that sometimes you just have to suck it up and pay the shipping if the item is that important/special to you... Wow, where did you come from...nothing awful to say to me about being friends with people I met online, let alone spending actual MONEY on them and their families... I thought maybe we had turned a corner, and then...this...

Well, I seriously need to go to bed before I get myself TOO worked up to sleep.