Road Trip

I can't believe I missed my 300th post! So, today I'll have a little 301 Post Party!! :o)

My family and I spent the night in a hotel most of the way to our vacation destination place. I was going to post last night, but everyone else was going to bed. We have a few "snore-ers", so I decided that if I didn't go to sleep then, I would have MAJOR problems! I did have ear plugs which seemed to help (although, my dad just said he didn't sleep well, which could have meant he wasn't snoring anyway!).

Well, I suppose I should get some breakfast and figure out what I'm going to wear for the day. I think there will be Internet where we are staying, so I'll be able to keep up with my journal.

On the road again...after breakfast and a shower :o)

One More Day

Today was a busy day, but I haven't even started packing, so tomorrow will be a little crazy! I also have quite a list of other things to be done tomorrow.

I went to the eye doctor this morning and to the dentist this afternoon. I got new contacts, and the dental hygienist tried to make a deal with me to floss on my days off...I suppose that is a good goal :o)

In between appointments, I managed to clear a space on the couch, clear off the table, and vacuum a couple rooms for my "visitor". This afternoon, I had my first home study. This is the next step after the foster parent classes. Typically, this would have been done soon after my classes were done in April, but the social worker was busy with other projects, and I wasn't in a great hurry, so it was good for both of us to wait. Basically, we just talked (she was here a little over 2 hours). She asked about support systems, parenting styles, nurturing styles, etc. She asked how being a foster parent will change my life (my answer--EVERYTHING will change...I've never been a mom, so being a mom will be something different than I have EVER done before!). I have some paperwork to fill out, and she will come back next week for Part Two.

After she left, I met up with some girls from work for "Happy Hour". They had finished eating when I got there, but stayed while I ate. We had a fun time. There were only five of us, which is a lot less than the gathering last week, but it was nice. One of the girls is leaving for another position. Since the work I do is more than a "job" for me, it is a little hard for me to understand when others don't feel the same way. One of the girls was talking about how she will finish getting her tuition reimbursement in seven months and then she is out of there. Of course, I didn't get tuition reimbursement, don't have a husband or kids, and don't have to work the night shift any more. So, it is a different situation, but I can't really imagine leaving my job because it is my calling, not just something that pays the bills.

Anyway, we were having so much fun that I barely made it to my softball game in time! We got into a pretty crazy game, but ended up pulling out a win in the bottom of the seventh inning. It was VERY fun!

Well, I suppose I should get ready for bed. I need to make a list of what I need to pack. More likely than not, I will still over-pack, but at least with a list I shouldn't forget anything! I'm pretty sure my computer is coming with me, but am not sure when I'll end up using it. Good night.

Yes I'm Definitely Ready!

For a vacation, that is...my home is still not quite ready for tomorrow's visit, but I decided to take a break and hope I'll have energy (and time!) to finish it tomorrow in between appointments.

I walked into work this morning to find "a name" written on "the board". Unfortunately, that is the way we usually find out one of our patients has passed away. It probably isn't ideal, especially when it is someone you took care of a lot or if they weren't even in the hospital. Most of the time it is quite a shock to the system. However, I believe it is better to know, then to not find out for a long time, and I don't think an email or finding out at a time when you can't really take "a moment" to digest the information. This child actually was part of the "I hate today" frustruation of a week ago. The mom was SO impatient to be discharged, even with a child who wasn't really "stable", that she couldn't wait until Monday. She also didn't show up early enough to accomplish everything that needed to be done in a timely manner...and, there were a couple other annoying things she did. As it turned out, it probably WAS good that she was able to take her child home for a week and do some "normal" things. My heart goes out to them...they, like so many of our parents had to do many tough things, make many tough decisions, go through many rough times during the fight for their child's life... Even though it is VERY sad, I am glad that I was able to help accommodate their "going home" without TOO much complaining!

Anyway, that is how the day started bright and early at 7:00 this morning. Then, I was nearly forced to change my patient assignment. I stood my ground, though, considering I don't really think anyone else would have done that, and I was hoping that "Day Two" with my patients would be easier :o) My little elementary school girl did her best to continue to drive me crazy...I'm afraid she definitely succeeded in pushing me closer and closer :o) We did, however, have a few laughs...like when she actually made me scream out loud by surprising me with a squirt of freezing cold water from a syringe! It was really funny!

The day was also helped by the fact that there are some "key people" that I really like at work. Whenever I see them (well, ALMOST all the time!), I put on a happy face :o) One of them was on vacation ALL last week, so it was a GREAT Monday morning when I ran into her! (Of course, then I had to tell her that SOMEHOW I had a good week last week even without her...but she still can't take another vacation for a while unless we coordinate our schedules!) Maybe that's what yesterday was missing...my special little "cheer me up" people were not working!

Funny story--(to me anyway) I actually have this thing that I do where I end up telling everyone they are my "favorite"...you are my "favorite pharmacist" or "favorite dietician" or "favorite charge nurse"...whatever. Usually it is when they have done something really nice to help me as kind of a "thank you" :o) Last week, I told one of the pharmacists she was my "new favorite pharmacist", yesterday I told a different pharmacist that story...it seems maybe SHE may have been my "old favorite pharmacist". Today I was telling that story to yet another pharmacist. He was kind of sad about getting placed third (there are lots of pharmacists, so third isn't BAD!)...I couldn't tell him that he had his own little title as "the hot pharmacist" :o) (totally happily married, but that probably would have been pushing the limits on saying nice things to people! And, since I'm not the ONLY one who calls him that it would not have been very good!)

Yes, definitely happy that no one I work with reads this!! This IS my journal, after all!

Anyway, that's pretty much it. I need to go to bed so maybe I can get up and be productive before my morning appointments (yeah right, who am I kidding?!). I was planning to send a few notes/cards, but now I am getting tired, so will have to do that tomorrow. Good night.

Countdown to Vacation

Apparently, I must have raved too much about my "good days" because the good attitude stopped yesterday. Today, not so much of the rainbows and daisies of the past few days. Now, I wouldn't call it a BAD day by any means, because, well, there are definitely a LOT of worse things that could have happened and I'd rather not "go there". Anyway, the morning was steady to slow, but the afternoon was pretty busy. I got my lunch break close to 3:30 and anyone who knows me, knows that I get EXTRA crabby when I'm hungry (and 3:30 is often "nap time" as well!). So, my co-workers forced me to take a break (they probably needed a break from me!) I'd have to say, it was probably more of an "annoying" day than anything else. A fussy patient with no parent in sight, an elementary school girl who was moody and dramatic and BORED, and a weekend transplant patient admission...thankfully the charge nurse helped coordinate all that stuff.

I went to mom and dad's when I got off and they had a FEAST! I was SO stuffed that I had to force myself to eat the sweet corn for dessert, but boy was it all tasty! I REALLY should have spent some time picking up my living room this evening, but didn't (my dad said to me...you have shredded up paper all over your floor....why, yes dad I do!). I work again tomorrow, but need to make my house presentable for my Tuesday afternoon meeting! Oh well, it will all come together some how. I think I'll head to bed to try and ward off another crabby day tomorrow.

I leave on vacation Wednesday afternoon...I am VERY excited and can hardly wait! The Countdown is on! Good night.

Celebrating Life

Today was the Transplant Reunion. This was the third year in a row I attended this event and it was SO great! Maybe even better than the past two years. I had patients and families come up to me and tell everyone I was their nurse. How special I felt. I am a part of their story, just as they are a part of mine. They are grateful to be alive. I am grateful God brought them into my life. I should let the pictures tell the rest of the story.

Be an organ and tissue donor...you have the power to donate life.

The Week Continues

And, either someone gave me an attitude adjustment or this really is just a good week.

I got called off from working extra, which is a bit of a bummer because of all the extra $$, but money isn't everything, right?! I thought that was going to be really great because then I would get a lot of stuff done. Think again on that one, but I did manage to sit on my couch staring at my computer for HOURS (after I went and worked out, of course!). I was supposed to have lunch with a friend, but her doctor's appointment went longer than expected, and then she had to do some work stuff from home. So, that was sad because I haven't seen her in a long time, but at least we were able to visit on the phone a couple times this week.

I actually emailed back and forth with the Director at my hospital for a while which was kind of funny. She kept saying really nice things and making me cry. It is really great to be respected by her (even though I think she is awesome and probably respects everyone...it is still cool that the DIRECTOR likes me that much!)

I went and bought a couple new tank tops and a pair of shorts to bring on vacation next week. I have checked the weather multiple times for where we are going and I don't think it has ever been below 95 degrees. So, I'm pretty much planning to "fry" on vacation...I'm not a big fan of hot weather, so it should be interesting, especially since I'm also not a fan of swimming.

My social week continued when I went out to dinner with my parents before going to a party. One of the girls on my softball team (she went to the same grade school and high school as me, but is six years younger) is leaving next week for a year of service in New York. Her friends had a going away party for her, and I decided to go. I am SO glad I did. We sang the traditional blessing we did in high school after each of us had our chance to tell her how proud we are of her, and different memories, etc. It was SO neat! Then, we sang a prayer that was another tradition. It was SO beautiful. We sing the song a little differently than the prayer, but the prayer is this:

My God, I am yours for time and eternity. Teach me to cast myself entirely into the arms of your loving Providence with a lively, unlimited confidence in your compassionate, tender pity. Grant, O most merciful Redeemer, that whatever you ordain or permit may be acceptable to me. Take from my heart all painful anxiety; let nothing sadden me but sin, nothing delight me but the hope of coming to the possession of You my God and my all, in your everlasting kingdom. Amen.

When we were done, one of the girls said something like "Wow, when you actually read the words, that is some HARD stuff!" I guess I had never really looked at them like that either...those are some strong promises to make, especially in hard times. I wasn't sure what to expect when I decided to attend that party, but am SO glad I was led there. What a special opportunity this young woman has to truly make a difference. I told her that no one will ever be able to take this experience away from her. If I had made different choices, I probably would have a heck of a lot more money, but would have missed out on ALL of the experiences and opportunities that came with the choices I did make. Like my job, hers will be challenging and rewarding. There will be good times and not so good times. There will be frustruating times, and times when she will KNOW she changed a person's life for the better. I am proud to know her.

Well, it is getting late and I have more social activities planned for tomorrow :o)
Good night.

Getting Closer

I have almost posted 300 times on this blog. That's pretty crazy, especially since a couple people actually think I DO have something to say...ha ha! I'm still not so sure, but most of the time this is quicker than writing in a journal, and I was already doing that. This is just a different venue for my "writing" (I use quotations because I wouldn't call myself a "writer" any more than I would call myself an astronaut...).

I'd have to say that today was another good day. I suppose, with the right attitude, EVERY day could be a good day! I was a tiny bit busy until about 11:00 this morning and then was pretty bored the rest of the day. (I'll take "bored" over feeling like a terrible nurse any day!)

One thing that connected me to my "new friend" from Tuesday is that both of us have a special little bond with one of our patients. She is a very sick little girl, and she created quite a bit of "drama" surrounding whether or not she should be listed for a transplant (sometimes it is not "cut and dry", but I will not go into any details). A decision was made, and she received another chance to live last night. She survived the first major surgery part of this journey, and time will tell what God's plans are for her. My friend was SO happy about this. She also received some other good news yesterday, and I am very happy for her. Like I wrote previously, even if it happens that we never get together again (hoping that is not the case, but you never know), those hours we had on Tuesday can never be taken away from us. We needed those moments together, and I am blessed that God gave them to me.

I talked to one of my high school friends tonight. She is about eight weeks pregnant. Tomorrow she will go to the doctor for the first time. Praying for a healthy baby. Hopefully we will be able to have lunch (I signed up to work a bonus shift, but they have already told me I will not be needed unless someone calls in sick.)

My heart is hurting for sweet Emily and her family this evening. She has been such a blessing to me in sharing her story, and supporting me in my journey to becoming a foster parent. She is an amazing writer, but sometimes there are no words to describe what you are feeling inside. Today happens to be one of those days. (I was SO bored at work that I was doing LOTS of Internet searching...I'm glad that somehow I steered clear from checking "my blogs", because those tears may have been a little difficult to explain...while it was SO sad to read her post, it was better to be able to cry in the privacy of my own home, and let her know right then that I was praying.) I am praying that the prayers of those who love and care about her will lift her up during this difficult time.

Well, I suppose there is a TINY chance I will receive a 5:30 AM call telling me they need me to work. So, I should get ready for bed. Good night.

Another One

Another good day, that is! It is "hump day", but so far this has been a good week. I was a bit crabby on Sunday, but was able to see the great things that happened during the annoying parts which is a good step :o) Even though I am dealing with some "outlying issues", I will save that for another day because I want to focus on the good stuff.

I got a call at 4:30 this morning to see if I would work on an adult floor for my bonus pay. Even though it would have been good money, it also would have been stressful and I had stuff I wanted to get done today. So, I went back to bed until almost 9:00. I went and worked out at Curves, which was good, since that will be the only day I can go this week. I was a little sad because the lady I like usually doesn't work on Wednesdays. However, I was in luck, and she switched shifts, so was there--yay!

When I got home, I finally mowed my lawn (it was getting pretty bad!). I have a friend who works in media relations at the hospital. We haven't been able to get together for a while, but I told her that if I got today off, we could have lunch. It ended up working out for her, and we had a very nice lunch. She is so sweet and has been dealing with some tough stuff. I am glad we were able to visit and I could let give her a hug and let her know I'm praying for her. I was able to help her with some potential stories to bring to the media which is fun (I love being able to talk about the work being done on my floor!).

I went and picked up the pottery the girls and I did last week. Mine actually didn't turn out as bad as I thought it would. I painted a coffee mug, which is about all my right brain can do, and it was still quite a stretch. The girls' things turned out very good. My friend thought I was crazy for spending that much money, and that she would have turned around and left. I let her know that it was worth it to me, because it was MY idea and I knew how much the girls needed to get out. She did end up giving me a gift card to a book store. This ended up being PERFECT because i had already been to the book store once today, but they didn't have my book on-hand, so I could purchase it online. She apologized for not talking to me more. I told her she was crazy for saying that, seeing as she is dealing with four kids right now, one of whom has LOTS of needs, plus whatever is going back at home! I am nearly positive that I would have had a nervous breakdown by this point and not worried about being bad at keeping in touch! (She hasn't been that bad...I have over 100 messages in my email inbox that are still marked as "unread" because I haven't felt like dealing with them...now THAT is a not very good communicator, and I HAVE no excuses!). Anyway, it was nice to see her today and I stayed for nearly an hour visiting.

When I got home, I managed to get a load of laundry done, and put away a few things. I did a little bit of organizing, but have quite a bit more to do before next week.

My little issue that I'm not going to discuss made me feel kind of sick, so I didn't really want to go anywhere. However, the girls from my floor were going out after work since today was one of the nurse's last day. I figure if I go, then there is less of a chance they will talk about me. I didn't really want to go, because I knew it wouldn't be nearly as fun as yesterday, or lunch today, but I had to eat anyway. It wasn't too bad. I sat next to my manager and we talked. Everyone kept getting upset when we talked about work, but really, when you get a bunch of people from work together, what ELSE are you going to talk about that includes everyone? Maybe that's just me, but I didn't really have much else to talk about with them. It could have been a lot worse, but I'm glad it wasn't! (Wow, so much for this being a "good day"...that sounds kind of crabby and/or snotty!)

I tried calling the friend I hung out with yesterday about something I heard happened today at work. I got her voice mail, but can't WAIT to talk to her tomorrow! :o) I kind of wish I had been there today to talk to her, but tomorrow will have to do.

Well, I think I should go to bed. I didn't even take a nap today, which is pretty impressive because I rarely have a day off that I don't take a nap, especially when I don't really have anything planned! Maybe that means I won't have any trouble falling asleep tonight.

Good night.

Good Day

Oh, it is SO nice to be able to use that as a title! I feel like I have been Little Miss Crabby Pants for a LONG time (my mom tells me I can't use hormones as an excuse all the time, but I definitely don't think they help my mood!). The past week or so has been pretty emotional. Along with dealing with high acuity patients, high-maintenance family members, and trying to figure out how to get some extra money to pay my bills, there are also some sad changes happening at my work. A nurse I really like to work with put in her notice, as have two other nurses. She will be done the end of the month. One of the doctors that I LOVE has taken a position in another state. I'm actually not quite "over that" yet and typing those words immediately brought tears to my eyes. While I realize that it is a great opportunity for her and her family, I have learned a great deal from her. She is a surgeon who is patient and kind, which isn't always the case. She takes time to speak with every family, and listens to all concerns that are brought to her attention. She is a patient advocate, but also a nursing advocate. Thankfully, I have had the opportunity the past couple weeks to talk to her, and let her know how much she will be missed (I still want to write her a note...I think her last day is next week).

Okay, that doesn't sound like a "good day", but really it was! I had the opportunity to attend a transplant conference (it was FREE and they even served a breakfast buffet and had a "sit down" lunch and two snack breaks!). All of the presenters were from my hospital, so that was really cool considering I think it was a regional conference. I learned a LOT! I wasn't sure who I would sit with, since no one from my floor was attending. I am pretty used to going places alone and would have been okay, but it is a little awkward just to wander around alone at things like that!

I ended up walking into the conference with someone I hadn't seen in a LONG time! She is a woman who adopted a little girl my family briefly had in foster care when I was in high school. The girl was six at the time. It didn't work out for her to be in our family, but I think having a mom with no husband or other children is exactly what she needed. She has graduated from high school and is thinking about being a nurse. Her mom gave me her phone number and said she would love to hear from me and talk about nursing. Even though she was young, she still remembers the time she spent at our house (an example of how one can make a big difference in a short amount of time!).

I found a seat with some of the new nurses who will work in the PICU. I didn't really talk to them much, but it was nice to have a place to sit!

I also have a new friend :o) I spent a lot of today with her and that is most of what made today a "good day"! She is a nurse practitioner at my hospital who does consults on some of our patients. So, I see her around and always say hello. I knew she was nice, but on Sunday, I decided that I really liked her and would enjoy spending more time with her. I found out yesterday that she planned to be at the conference, and I was hoping I would be able to find her (there were over 200 people there, but I did!). I sat with her and another nurse practitioner at lunch, and we also talked during some of the breaks. We left together, and she invited me to go out with her to meet another friend for a drink. While I could have accomplished quite a few necessary things around the house if I had just come home, I decided that I needed to seize the opportunity to do something social! As it turned out, none of her friends came, so it was just the two of us. We talked for nearly two hours! Even being about ten years older than me with a four-year-old, we found lots of things to talk about and just enjoyed each other's company. I told her I am most comfortable with people over thirty! I had a great time, and think she did too...both of us needed this today. While I am not sure when we will go out again, I hope it works out some time soon. At least I will see her around at work :o)

My softball team played really well (I didn't play that great, which frustruates me a little...) and didn't lose by that much. It was fun, though.

I still haven't talked to my sister, but guess another branch of the same bank was actually robbed today, and they are pretty sure it is the same people. I do not believe they have been caught. Pretty scary stuff, especially because those areas of town are not areas that typically have many crimes.

Well, it is 11:30 and there is a chance I have to work tomorrow. So, I'd better think about getting ready for bed! While I would LOVE the extra money, I have a long list of things that should be done tomorrow. I need to do a new contract for the extra bonus shifts (now that I should be done with my extra crabbiness for a month or so, I should be okay working extra, right?!).

Good night.

I'll take it!

I actually think I was "non-crabby" today for the first time in WAY too long! I had one of those "really good" days that I ALMOST would hesitate to call "work" (I suppose it is ALL in perspective and attitude, though, because today probably wasn't that much less busy than other days, I just handled it better!). I was able to spend large chunks of time visiting with each of my patients and/or their families. I LOVE LOVE LOVE those kind of days! Simply taking care of the physical needs does not make for a good day for me. When I only have time to give meds or provide cares and leave with barely time to say hello and good-bye...those are the days that make me want to cry. I like it when I can stop and chit-chat for a while...I have never been there, but I can imagine that having some kind of "normal" conversation is a good distraction for the "abnormal" situation in which they have been placed. Being in the hospital is not a very comfortable place for most people, so I take any chance I have to make them laugh (usually it is not hard for them to laugh at me for one reason or another!) and talk about things other than illness. Those are the days when I feel I have accomplished something, and truly made a difference in their lives.

Today, fortunately, was one of those days. Unfortunately, my sister had one of the worst days that could happen at her job. I haven't talked to her, so don't know all the details, but my mom told me about it. She works at a bank. Apparently, some armed robbers came to her branch this morning. I guess at her branch, you have to press a button and be buzzed in. She and one of her co-workers noticed some people acting strangely outside, so yelled at whoever was in charge of the buzzer to not let them in. Fortunately, the robbers were not very smart and had their guns out before entering, so they did not end up inside the bank (at least, according to my mom's version of the story). My sister has not been doing this job for very long, and has had a hard time finding something that she enjoys doing. While she doesn't LOVE this job, she was doing well and had finally met some nice people. I believe her greatest fear was getting robbed. I'm not sure how she will overcome her anxiety and be able to return to work...I feel SO badly for her. She text messaged me this afternoon, but I was at work and couldn't reach her when I got off.

So, prayers for my sister tonight...hopefully she will be able to sleep after a day like that. Tomorrow I am going to a conference. I have to get up just as early as I did today, but somehow I decided I could stay up an extra hour...probably a decision I will regret during one of the afternoon sessions tomorrow! So, good night.

Still Fighting

Little E is still fighting, and somehow, her mom is able to keep a sense of humor and smile even in the midst of hard times. Someone, I'm not sure if it was mom or not, gave her pigtails. So, her mom titled this photo the "Cutest Little Sick Baby Ever!!" Only God knows the plan for this little girl, but for now, her mom has hope, and the prayers continue. Thanks to all who have stopped by and prayed for her. Even though her mom will probably never know, I do, and appreciate them very much.

Looking at this, I realize that I have a lot to learn. I thought that I was doing better at "putting things into perspective" and "not taking things for granted", but apparently that is only "sometimes" (and probably more in retrospect than "in the moment"). My day at work was not very fun. In fact, I'm pretty sure that the words "I hate today" came out of my mouth. Well, considering I was taking care of kids in the HOSPITAL who have PARENTS who have sick kids in the HOSPITAL...I'm pretty much thinking that other people's days were probably WAY worse than mine! I couldn't even exactly say what made today so bad, especially since I worked with GREAT people who stepped right up and helped, even without me asking. Today there was a LOT of teamwork going on...so, that means it should have been a GOOD day! Maybe I am just ready for a vacation...family reunion next week!

I should go to bed since I work again tomorrow. I had a hard time falling asleep again last night, which is SO crazy considering it seems like I can usually sleep anytime, anywhere! I didn't accomplish much of anything since I got off work nearly 3 hours ago. I had some work to do, and my house needs some MAJOR attention! I guess that will have to be done "tomorrow" :o)

Good night.

Quiet Night

That is the only update I have from this morning. Prayers that it was a "quiet day" as well. Thank you for your continued prayers. Very sick little ones "goes with the territory" as a pediatric nurse, but it doesn't make it any easier and prayers are definitely appreciated.

(On a side note in case I have any "new" visitors...it always makes me nervous writing about my job on my blog. When I started this blog, I figured that a lot of what I had to say would be about work, since I don't have a boyfriend, a husband, a dog, a cat, a kid...you get the idea. Because of that, I chose to make this as "anonymous" as possible by using very little detailed information, and no full names or locations. This way, hopefully no one would be able to use this blog against me for breaking any privacy laws. Obviously, if someone REALLY wanted that kind of information they could probably figure it out! Anyway, this probably was completely unnecessary, but there it is anyway!)

On a MUCH happier note, I took today off so I could attend a wedding. The couple has been helping my dad coach basketball for years, she went to my elementary school and high school, and is on my softball team. They are quite a bit younger, but one of her brothers is a year older than me, and one of her sisters was in my sister's class. So, we go "way back"! :o) The wedding was nice, except I was a little distracted by the two little kids next to me. Their mom decided it was appropriate to give them large pieces of bubble gum as soon as the service started. During the sermon, the little boy started choking. It was hard to tell if he was still moving air or if it was really stuck. So, rather than listening to whatever words of wisdom were being shared, I was wondering if I'd have to figure out how to revive a kid with a piece of gum stuck in his throat. Although I am NOT a mom, so shouldn't REALLY say that I'd "never do that"...I REALLY don't think I'd give my kid gum to chew during church (I think the mom was chewing gum too, so who knows...maybe I'm just "old-fashioned".)

Instead of cleaning up the mess in my living room this afternoon before the dinner reception, I just "hung out". Yesterday wasn't a great day at work, so I guess I decided that today I "deserved" a break. My student decided to work with someone else today so it was her last day, instead of tomorrow being her last day with me. I kind of struggled with this student and think I was ready for our time to be finished. She will be a good nurse, but probably better somewhere besides my floor. Or, maybe my heart just wasn't into teaching these past few weeks. I hope my manager doesn't ask me to precept again for a little while. I'm feeling a little burned out and don't think I would give them as good of experience as I should.

So, back to work tomorrow. Good night.

All I can say

is please pray. This morning, her mom was told to call the family to come say good-bye. This afternoon, she remained critical, but stable. Tonight, all I know is her mom requested a friend write a prayer for all to pray. What follows is that prayer (with her name changed to simply "E"). It brought tears to my eyes...this little girl is SO sweet. I admitted her to the hospital when she came to transplant evaluation, and again when she got the call for transplant, so I have a special little "bond" with her and her precious mother.

"Father, we thank you for E, a radiant soul, a model of innocence and a pillar of strength. She has suffered so much in her short life, but not in vain. Each trial she has encountered has allowed us to grow in humility and unconditional love.Yet, Lord we are weary and in distress because E is so ill and weak. Please, hear our plea for the healing of Your precious daughter. Jesus, You told us, if two of [us] agree on earth about anything for which to pray, it shall be granted to [us] by [our] heavenly Father.” Matthew 18:19. At this time, especially, we find great solace in these words and we believe that by uniting in prayer, E can and will be healed. Therefore, we lift up, with one voice, and with a faith that can move mountains, our supplication for the recovery of darling E. Come to our aid and restore her to full health. May we witness a miracle, like the rising of Jairus' daughter. Divine Physician, cure her of all her afflictions. Oh, Lord, we beg of you, please have mercy on E and may it be Your holy Will that E live a long life and serve as a testament to your saving power and glory.We also ask for grace for the entire __ family. Come Holy Spirit and guide the __ family to a peace the surpasses all understanding and hope for a brighter tomorrow. Amen."

Thank you. Good night.

Was this "Day 3"?

So, I ended up not having to work today. That meant that, once again, I didn't get that extra money that I could use. However, it also meant that I had the day off! My sister had a party at her house this evening, so I was able to go early/on time rather than late. So, that was fun to go and support her (I did spend quite a bit of money, so it would have been nice to balance that with a bonus check, but oh well!).

I went and worked out for the third day this week. The "smart" machines told me I wasn't doing my best and need to work harder next time...I'm kind of thinking I could "hear" that more often than I should! After my work out, I went to a coffee shop with a friend from there. We visited for over an hour which was nice. I was kind of hoping I could talk about some of the issues I wrote about yesterday, but we discussed more of what was going on with her kids. Her daughter will be a sophomore this fall and is changing schools. My friend wanted her to go the the high school I went to, but she is going to attend one of the other all-girl schools, which I think is okay too :o)

I took a couple short little walks, but it was pretty hot, so didn't stay outside long. I am nearly done with my shredding project, but created a large mess in the process of organizing papers from my work committees. I ended up stopping that project so I could take care of some other work-related things. So, once again, I am surrounded by piles of papers! A "work-in-progress" for sure...I may need to have another party (or, maybe my upcoming "home study" will be enough to light a fire under me...but not a REAL fire because all these papers, well, paper and fire are not a good combination in most circumstances). I hosed down the double-stroller my co-worker gave me and left it to dry in the front yard. A thunderstorm along with a nice down-pouring of rain came rather quickly and it took me quite a while to remember that something was trying to DRY out there...so, I brought it up to the porch until the rain stopped, and I guess it will dry tomorrow!

So, it sounds like I actually had a fairly productive day. During one of my rounds of blog-checking, I was given a gentle little reminder that sometimes I need to let God be the planner and not interfere with His work, or ask too many questions about how or why He is doing things that way. He will let me know if He needs help, right?! Anyway, I remembered that I had this book mark that said something related to "being still". I don't recall where I got it, but I knew where to find it (since I HAVE been sorting through things recently!). It is simple, but good.

LET YOUR GOD LOVE YOU
Be silent.
Be still.
Alone. Empty
Before your God.
Say nothing.
Ask nothing.
Be silent.
Be still.
Let your God
Look upon you.
That is all.
He knows.
He understands.
He loves you with
An enormous love.
He only wants to
Look upon you
With His Love.
Quiet.
Still.
Be.
Let your God--Love you.

Back to work tomorrow, so I better get ready for bed. Good night.

Questions

I will have my first foster parent home study in two weeks. I'm not exactly sure what this all entails. I have no idea what I am supposed to "know" by then. Do I have to have "day care arrangements" all figured out before then? Do I need to have all of the "what if" scenarios worked out? Remember, I am a single person with a full-time job that I love. I have heard some talk that this can be taken care of, but I'm not sure if it is ALL the time, or how long that would take. When I talked to a co-worker who adopted two children from foster care, she said that they are "desperate" for foster parents, especially those who can take "special needs children" so will help as much as they can to make it work. I guess I will soon find out.

Last night as I sat outside with my parents, we did a little "chatting" about this issue. I think my dad asked about when I was getting a kid, or something like that. I told them when I was going to have my first home study. My mom said something like "so, you are just planning to do respite care, right?!" Well mom, maybe and maybe not. This part is SO tough for me and it brings tears to my eyes thinking about it. I LOVE my parents and spend SO much time with them, but am not really "feeling the love" with this. I think that is why it has taken me so long to go forward with this...their apparent lack of support, especially from my mom, has made it much more difficult for me. I have pretty much done as I was told, followed all the rules, stayed "in the box", rarely questioned authority, or strayed far from the norm. I almost feel like making this decision (even if I'm not really sure what the "decision" will be) is letting my parents down in some way. Almost like I am disobeying them. Considering I never really did that, it is not a comfortable place to be.

Then, I wonder WHY? Why do I really want to be a foster parent? Is it actually for more selfish reasons than I am willing to admit? Am I kidding myself in thinking I could really do it? Is it worth the risk of isolating myself from my family...even though I don't think they would really abandon me because they love me too much...I am going to have to look that person in the eyes and tell her that I will do this with, or without, my family's approval. I feel so torn, and it hurts...

One thing I know is that I was BORN to take care of young people. That is why God made me the oldest grandchild and surrounded me with lots of cousins and other children. Starting in middle school, I cared for children who were in foster care. In high school, my family did respite care for two sisters. So, I have "known" for a while that some day I wanted to be a foster mom, even if I had to do it as a single mom. I have been "playing mom" since before I can remember. Now, I feel like I am ready to "play mom" for longer periods of time to a child who needs a safe and loving home, either temporarily, or permanently. I'm not sure if my head or my body is ready, but I believe my heart is.

Right now, we have one of those kids on the floor whose parents are less than attentive. These are the kids that the nurses decide needs a new home. Whether or not the state agrees is a completely different story. Someone (or lots of someones) will say "oh I could just take him/her home!"...but not REALLY mean it. I wouldn't completely rule out taking a patient from my hospital home, but it could make things more complicated. In any case, I decided to take this child for a "test drive" and got a little "snuggle time" in this evening. This particular child has LOTS of medical issues, many that remain unknown and undiagnosed (she also still has a mom and a dad!). This kind of child may NOT be the best-case scenario for first-time foster motherhood, but I suppose time (and God) will tell...my heart is open, but I have to remember that sometimes I will need some help.

I am sure this isn't going to be the last time there are tears about this. Thankfully, I have a few places I can go to get some extra prayers when my home study date gets closer! For now, I am tired and do not know if I will "get" to work tomorrow or not. I am on the schedule for "bonus" but have no idea if I will be needed or not. I guess I will find out at 5:30, so should head to bed.

Good night.

No Excuses Day 2

...is not a good title for today. Today was nearly full of them. The biggest one, which is "my story and I'm sticking to it" is that it was nearly 100 degrees and kind of humid (we are currently having a thunderstorm) and who wants to do ANYTHING when it is like that?! I surely didn't, and so I didn't.

I did make it to Curves for my second day in a row of this new work out thing. I'm hoping it works because I'm not sure how much longer I can pretend like being overweight does not bother me at all. Of course, probably eating a hot fudge sundae from McDonald's for lunch wasn't the BEST choice, but it was pretty yummy!

Just in case someone out there follows their "site meters"...yes, that was me that visited your blog 100 times this morning...yes, I may have a problem, or maybe you wrote something really cool that I had to read LOTS of times :o) Anyway, that was while I was in my "waiting" phase of the day...I COULD have been doing work around the house, but I had no idea that I'd be waiting for two hours (okay, that's my excuse, although I will not say that I would not have done the same things had I known I had two hours to work!).

I took my friend's girls to a place where you can paint pottery. The baby is doing pretty well, although he seemed pretty fussy when I saw him (again, it WAS nearly 100 degrees and he was in a car seat, plus it looks like he is teething). He pulled his feeding tube out, so I put it back down, but my friend had to put it back in since he pulled it out again on the way back to their room. NOT fun times...so it was "extra good" that I took the girls for a while. We had fun, but have to wait until next week to see how our projects turn out. I did not get any artistic or creative genes, so painting pottery isn't something that I would normally choose for an activity, but I thought they would enjoy it. It was a little stressful for me, and I'm thinking the five-year-old's looks better than mine, but I tried! It also was a little expensive to do pottery for four, but I think this was something important to do (and hope my friend isn't stressing out about paying me back for it...the oldest did see how much went onto my credit card...).

I ended up taking a short nap after the pottery/McDonald's excursion (just because I'd already messed up the "no excuses" part of the day!). My softball team WON tonight!! It was SO much fun!! I actually got on base all three times (even though only one probably would have been considered a "hit). I put my wheels on and made it to second base before the throw made it from the shortstop there (not bad, if I do say so myself!).

Well, there is quite a storm happening outside...it is only 10:00, but I'm thinking I may go to bed and listen to the thunder for a while and fall asleep to the rain...I LOVE thunderstorms!! (except ones that make trees fall...I don't need any of THAT!)

So, tomorrow I go back to work. Haven't been there since Saturday, so this was a good break!

This little one could use some prayers tonight. She is struggling with some complications after transplant, and needs all the help she can get.

Thanks. Good night.

No Excuses Day 1

Okay, so my "closing remarks" from last nights journal was that this was to be a "no excuses week". Then I had to laugh, because that doesn't sound like something I will actually be able to do, but "Day One" wasn't TOO bad!! I managed to keep myself from taking a nap, even AFTER getting up in time to be at the hospital for a meeting by 7:30. So, that sounds like a good step in the right direction (although I am thinking I will have to type fast because I'm pretty tired after skipping the nap!)

So, I had a meeting at the hospital that went until a little after 8:30. I decided that I wanted to meet with the PICU manager before I left about this whole "bonus shift thing". Using my manager as a "go-between" obviously was not working that well, so I figured I better go to the person who can help me. Unfortunately, he was not available on the unit when I got there, so I had to wait until nearly 9:30 to talk to him. However, since we got some things figured out, I guess it was a good use of my time!

Then, I went to Curves. Remember how I said I didn't really want to do this new program because I like going there for social reasons, and often don't work very hard?! Well, the number on the scale was higher than it has ever been. SO, I didn't really have an excuse to say "no thanks, I don't want to have a more challenging work-out, I would much rather stay overweight!" And, work my tail off I did, but it did feel pretty good.

After that, I had to mow my lawn. Luckily, it didn't get as hot as I thought it was going to, or it would have been a bit much for me!

Take a look at that nicely mowed lawn!!


A little closer up...it looks like I should probably clear off my porch a little bit. Have no fear, I did water the plants a little bit today...the have been neglected, so I am pretty surprised there are any flowers left at all!

I don't have a LOT to show for myself for what I did the rest of the day, but I was fairly productive. I unloaded the dishwasher and emptied the sink (my house was smelling kind of nasty, so this was a chore that was WAY overdue!). Then, I decided to do a whole bunch of "shredding". I had a box of stuff that needed to be shredded. I figured that getting rid of that would make room for some of the papers that are just "hanging out" waiting for a home. Unfortunately, my shredded pooped out on me and was doing a little bit of "smoking". So, I went to Target and bought a new one. While I was out, I also stopped at the cable place to see if I could get a better deal. I feel like I am paying SO much for not very much stuff (I have basic phone, basic cable without DVR service, and the Internet). I ended up downgrading how fast my Internet speed is which is a nearly $15/month savings, so now I hope I cannot notice a difference.

I emailed back and forth with my sister for a while. She gets kind of bored at work, and they are allowed to check email, but not use facebook or send text messages. So, that was fun.

I helped my dad with his softball games. Both teams lost, but they were close games, so it was fun. We watched some baseball at his house before I headed for home.

That's pretty much today...not QUITE as much stuff as I could have/maybe SHOULD have gotten done, but at least I didn't sleep the afternoon away or anything like that :o) Not sure what I will try and get done tomorrow...maybe I can finish my shredding (I kept having to give the new shredder a break so it wouldn't start smoking too!).

Extra special prayers to all the families out there missing their little ones tonight. I am sure I have a couple notes to send...I had been doing a pretty good job at sending cards to families at certain "milestones" after their child (former patients) passed away, but have gotten kind of behind in doing that. I also need to write to a couple of my friends...I think my college roommate was due to have her fourth baby some time in July!

Okay, it is now after 11:00, which is kind of my unofficial "bed time", so I'd best be headed there (especially if this "no excuses" plan also means "no naps!"). Good night.

Along for the Ride

Today was the wedding shower for one of my cousins. She is the second "cousin" to get married, and also is the second daughter in her family (my sister, the second daughter in OUR family was the first one to get married!). The shower details brought some "drama" and hurt feelings to some members of my family for quite some time. The shower was held in my mom's home town which is a 2 1/2 to 3 hour drive. It happened that my mom's "favorite" aunt was celebrating her 80th birthday yesterday in a town pretty close to her home town. I had to work yesterday, as did my sister, and one of my other cousins. So, the three of us had to do a "day trip". I thought that ANOTHER cousin (one five years younger, but is the "planner" and more of an adult in that way than I am!) would come with us...and drive us. However, she had yesterday off, so went up early. That left the issue of how the rest of us would get to the shower. I do not like to drive. My sister HATES to drive, and would have refused to go if that was the option. Our cousin is apparently directionally challenged (she is 21). So, instead of stepping up to be the "grown-up" (after this issue was resolved, I reminded myself that I am nearly 29 years old and the oldest grandchild, so really should be responsible!), my mom decided to go to the birthday party yesterday, come home for the night, then drive us up and back today. With gas prices the way they are, this is pretty darn crazy! However, it was important to her that my sister and I got there without stressing out. It was also easier for her to deal with the earlier "drama" doing it this way.

So, along for the ride we went. My sister rode "shot gun" (see, I can be a nice sister sometimes!). My cousin and I rode in the back seat. Her sister joined us for the return trip (three "adults" in the backseat of an Accord...good thing none of us is over 5'4"!!). My mom "swears" this was not a big deal...I think she is AWESOME! :o)

The "after shower" was even more fun than the actual shower part! The hostess has a pool in the back yard. None of us "travelers" brought our bathing suits, but that didn't stop us from putting our feet in. We had some yummy "girl drinks" and visited (four aunts and six of us cousins). I was already looking forward to our family reunion later this month, but now I am even MORE excited! Even though it would be even more fun if everyone could go, but if this afternoon was any indication of how much fun we will have, it is going to be GREAT!!


Some of the cousins. Missing four girl cousins
(and of course the eight boy cousins!)

Sister, cousin, me :o)

Just me and my sister!

Five aunts, the hostess, and the bride-to-be

Tomorrow I have a meeting at 7:30. I think I should set some organizational goals for tomorrow. It should NOT be so hard to get motivated when I have four days off a week! I think I should try and make this a "no excuses" week. Wish me luck :o) Good night.

Edited to add: Ha ha! Look what showed up as the "Quote of the Day" after I posted this...

"After all is said and done, more is said than done." ~Aesop

Ahh, such truth...especially when it comes to doing things that are not fun or exciting! Okay, better get to bed now :o)

Gratitude

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend." ~Melody Beattie

As much as I would like to say I always do kind things because it is the "right" thing to do, I have to admit that I appreciate a genuine "thank you" as much as the next person!

Because I know how much it means to be thanked, even for doing things that ARE just the "right thing" to do, I tend to hand out thank yous freely. Even though I can be quite crabby at times (just being honest, sometimes "at times" occurs more frequently!), I do try and thank people at work who help make my job easier, and those who do the little things that make the hospital work more efficiently (the person who delivers the medications, the one who picks up specimens and brings them lab, the housekeeper who does more things than I can count...there are SO many people working together for the common goal of taking care of patients and their families!). I enjoy showing gratitude to people who must often feel like they are in a "thankless job". Being in a job that can feel like that sometimes, I know first-hand how much a little thanks can make a HUGE difference in how the rest of the day goes.

My parents taught me early about writing "thank you notes". I learned that people should not continue to give you things if you do not thank them (luckily not from "first hand experience"...I have always liked writing notes!). In fact, today I mailed three thank-you notes...one to the couple who got me tickets to the swimming events, one to the couple who stored my frozen food so I didn't have to throw it away, and one to my parents for ALL of their help cleaning up after the storm. Now, did any of those people EXPECT to receive a "thank you note" from me? Probably not, but I definitely think they will be less likely to hesitate the next time I need help with something because they know I appreciate their efforts!

Whenever I send sympathy cards, one of the things I usually write is thank you to the person for sharing their loved one with me. To me, it is very important for them to know that I appreciate all that the person's life was, no matter how short or long it was.

I enjoy doing the unexpected...sending random "thinking about you" cards, sometimes saying really corny things to people because something nice and cheesy pops into my head. One of the first times I remember doing this was when I was in high school at a Christian leadership camp. I really liked one of the leaders. I think she reminded me of an older friend I had, but I thought she was pretty. Now, this person probably was probably "average looking" to most people, but in my eyes she was beautiful. So, with tears in my eyes because I felt like such a nerd, and also because it was coming from the heart, I said something like "I think you are SO pretty". It really took her by surprise, and she probably was thinking something like "no WAY, not ME!" However, now that I am probably even older than she was at the time, I'm thinking those words stuck with her for a while, and made her look at herself a little differently. I know how much of a difference little things like that can mean to people. A little bit of kindness can go a long way...so can a little bit of gratitude. "Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." ~Mother Teresa

It still makes me sad that I had to post this journal entry. I had sad days before this, have had sad days since then, and am sure there are more to come. However, I still think about those days, and about the wife left without a husband, the children without a father, the grandchild without a grandfather. But then, what a blessing to have been a teeny tiny part of each others' lives. My hospital has a program rightly called a "Thank You Program". Through the Intranet, or a written form, anyone can send a "thank you" to any employee at the hospital. The message is sent to the employee's manager, and a little medal is given to the employee. Each medal can be redeemed for $5 for various gifts or services. It is a program that not many people outside of employees seem familiar with, and some units/individuals use it more frequently than others. Today, I received a "thank you". It reads "Thank you so much for being exceptionally kind when (Her Husband) was hospitalized. Even though you were 'floated' to an adult unit when your comfort zone was more with Pediatrics, you were so delightful and made us laugh and feel relaxed. Thank you for just 'being you'!" I opened it before my shift started, so I had to hold back the tears, but it was tough. I didn't expect that, and it wasn't really necessary. I was just doing the best job I knew how to do (and, probably using laughter and silliness to help me be less nervous about the situation I was in).

So, just in case I forgot to thank someone today, I will say "thank you" now. Tomorrow is another day...let me not forget to show my gratitude to all who come into my path.

Good night.

Whole lotta nothing

That's what I did today. I am actually a little annoyed at myself about this, which actually doesn't help matters. I slept in, and then later took a REALLY long nap...I don't see any reason for me to be this tired...it seems like I do a heck of a lot more sleeping than the average person, and definitely more than should be necessary. Maybe I use sleep as an escape from all that needs to be done, but I DO usually FEEL tired when I lay down so it is hard to NOT take a nap because I'm not doing anything anyway...sometimes I feel "bored" so I just take a nap, but obviously it is only boring because I don't want to do any of the not-very-fun stuff that I should be doing.

Anyway, I had a box of macaroni and cheese for lunch and popcorn and ice cream for dinner. So, maybe I became a "bump on a log" from all the junk I put in my body on a regular basis, or maybe I just AM a "bump on a log" and the food is an entirely different story. Who knows.

Curves is implementing a new program that will require me actually to WORK when I am there (like, maybe work up a sweat instead of just working my mouth). I'm hesitant because I kind of like going there for the social aspect. It also will cost me about $5 more a month. I am thinking that it wouldn't really hurt if I got more out of my workouts, and maybe lost a little weight in the process. So, I suppose I should just "go for it"...but maybe I will wait until after my family reunion to join!

I can hardly believe that I am TIRED (seriously, I think my "nap" was close to three hours, and I was in bed for over nine hours last night...my sleep was a little interrupted, which is a nice excuse, but probably not the only issue!). But, I am working tomorrow, so it is "bed time" anyway.

Wow, what an exciting post...I guess when you do nothing, you have nothing to write about. My dad did come over and help me clear the rest of the branches from my backyard and get them to the curb for pick-up...and I delivered some of the jewelry from my jewelry party. I also watched a movie. Those were the only times I moved from a place with a cushion and/or a pillow.

Good night!