Text of Thanks

I know I haven't blogged in a bit, but it's been busy :)

A little background info before I share this "conversation": This morning, we were to have our "family team meeting". On Sunday, the girls' mom said she couldn't come. I found it odd that we would have a "family team meeting" without her, but was just going to "go with it". Monday, I found out that she changed it from 10:00 to 9:30 and it was confirmed by the Service Coordinator yesterday (since I wouldn't put it past her to just tell me she changed it, but it not "officially" be changed!) On the agenda was to be some pretty difficult/challenging questions for her regarding the future care of her children. I was very interested to see/hear what the plans were...and hear her answers to these questions.

She texted me this morning at 8:35 (reminder: meeting scheduled for 9:30) to say (FYI: all of her texts will be edited since she likes to use "0" for "o" and doesn't always text full words/spell correctly): "I won't be available for the family team meeting, can you text me the service coordinator's number?"

Yes, seriously canceling the meeting less than an hour before it was to begin...not a good idea in my opinion, but obviously she has had an issue with her choices in the past. I gave her the service coordinator's phone number at work, forgetting I had her cell number too. I left a message for the DHHS worker at his office as well as one for my agency worker on her cell and at the office (obviously, it was before 9:00, so none of them were at the office yet!) At 9:00, I realized I had the service coordinator's cell number and called her to let her know about the cancelation (well, I didn't know if it would be "canceled" or if we would just meet without her). She got in touch with the mom, the meeting was "postponed" until next week (on a day that I can't go...annoying!) I was able to reach my agency worker, before she left, but received a phone call from the DHHS worker in the afternoon letting me know he waited there until after 10:00 since he didn't get the message about it being canceled. He definitely was irritated and I apologized a number of times, even though I know it wasn't MY fault! Fabulous that I'm the one communicating these things, but apparently she likes me...which is good, but in the back of my mind, I'm preparing either for the other foot to drop or for her to expect something ridiculous out of me.

Okay, back to our "texts"...and the "text of thanks" that brought about the need to post this ;)

She is supposed to have visits Friday evenings, Saturdays, and Sundays, but started a job yesterday so things may change. She said we could talk today at the meeting about the plans for this weekend, especially since someone is going to take the teen shopping for her Homecoming dress on Friday afternoon.

Me: Since the meeting was canceled this morning, when can we talk about the plans for Friday (and the weekend)?
Her: Tonight will be great. I say 8:30 PM sounds good. Thank you ok.
Me: I think I may still be at choir practice at 8:30, but can let you know when I get home from that.
Her: Ok. No problem. It's cold today.
Me: Actually feels pretty awesome for November 10!
(a bit of time passes that includes me going outside in my long-sleeve shirt and jeans)
Me: Ok, you are right, it IS cold, but still better than snow!
Her: Ha ha, you have a great day. Stay warm and smile. PS You are an awesome person and I thank you for being the person you are and that is a person who goes out of their way for others. I thank you for everything you have done for my children and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Thanks. (and then she did the thing that makes my stomach churn and texted "mwah" at the end...blech!)
Me: Just doing what God has called me to do :) You're welcome.
Her: Wow, that's right. He has a plan for us all and I'm thankful the girls are with you and you only.


Again, I am going to continue to protect myself and keep my guard up since she can change her tune at any time without notice. However, her gratitude appears sincere and being thanked by the mother of your foster children is probably not something that happens every day. So, I will allow those words to help fill me up and remind me that I am doing a good job...such a good job that even their mom notices how much I care about her children. I'm not so sure what to make of the "the girls are with you and you only" part of that last text, but am not going to analyze it too much (probably shouldn't analyze the words of someone who uses zeros for o's ;) )

The teen is making plans for their "homecoming"/formal dance that is on the 20th. Last night, she said that she and her friends will be going to dinner before the dance. I asked if she would just go there from a visit or just stay with me. She said probably just stay with me. I was VERY surprised that she responded with that (and will not hold her to it if she changes her mind) and it's actually kind of sad that she will get ready for this dance in my home rather than in her mom's. She turns 16 three days after that and I offered to let her have an "after-party"/slumber/birthday party. She hasn't decided yes or no, but I think that would be very fun :) She is so sweet (most of the time...teenage girls...ha! ;) ) and I love being able to share life with her during this "season".

Well, I'd better get the little one up from her nap and pick the teen up from school.

Five Months

Five months ago, these two amazing girls came to live in my house. (I wrote about "the call" here, the "first meeting" here, and the "first night" here.) I love this picture of the two girls from one of our trips downtown this summer. Good thing I like it since I think it is the only picture I have of the teen that can be posted here (it's easy to snap non-face pictures of a 3-year-old, but hard enough to get a "face" picture of the teen, let alone a non-face picture...ha!)

It wasn't meant to be an "anniversary" celebration, but last night, the girls and I went and painted pottery and then got frozen yogurt for a little "girls' night out". I had purchased a "gr0up0n" for this place that was for $30. I knew that it was pretty pricey, but thought that all of us would enjoy it and thought $30 would help. When we were on the way, I realized I had forgotten my camera and was bummed, but decided I could just take pictures on my phone. Well, I got one taken before the battery on my phone was too dead to take pictures. I was really disappointed. And then, I found out that the "gr0up0n" was only good for one person. So, I decided not to paint, the little one painted two things and the teen painted one and I still had to pay nearly $20...but they both enjoyed themselves and it was fun to watch. When we were eating our frozen yogurt, the teen "randomly" started bringing up memories from early on in their stay here, including the first night when she had to eat her sandwich with string cheese ;) I said "wow, can you believe that was five months ago?!" I had forgotten about that happening and it was fun to laugh about it again. She also reminded me of the first time she spent time with my dad...whoa...ha ha! He's a nut ;)

Five months is kind of a long time, but every day with them is an opportunity to embrace all that we have taught each other, and continue to teach each other. Every day, I can see first hand the positive changes that have taken place in all of us the past five months. I have no idea how much longer they will be with me, but I do know that wherever life takes us, these moments will always be remembered as special ones.

June 2010
Walking around downtown and taking a boat around the fountain.

July 2010
Picnic in the park.

August 2010
Trip to the sprinkler park.

September 2010
Another trip downtown to feed the ducks.

October 2010
(FOURTH) Trip to the Pumpkin Patch

November 2010
The only picture from our pottery painting.

Five very special months. From the moment I got the call about them, I knew they were "perfect", especially for my first placement. Even on the tough days I have not had any regrets and believe that I am doing what God has called me to do. I have no idea what the future lies for any of us, but know that we are forever changed for the better because of this time together.

The Longer the Better...

I was at work today and it was kind of busy, but I had a couple of messages on my cell phone I felt I needed to address. So, I called the agency caseworker to answer the questions she had (including the never-ending question of where are the teen's immunization records and why are we waiting 11 months before just starting them over again?!) Near the end of our conversation, I was "lamenting" over the fact that I have no clue how much longer the girls will be with me and the not knowing is a little bit of a challenge for me...

Her response was, "As far as I'm concerned, the longer they are with you, the better..."

"The longer they are with me the better..."

Well, that's a different perspective, but I kind of like how it sounds.

Every day they are here is an opportunity to teach each other new things, make new memories, and touch each other's hearts. Granted, each day with me is also another day separated from their family, but we are making the best of it, and are forever changed by these days.

Instead of "how much longer", I'm going to think about "the longer the better"...

Busy Week, Back To Work

I went back to work today for the first time since October 19. Yes, that was TEN straight days off. I managed to stay super busy...and was reminded once again that I do not believe God has called me to be a stay-at-hom mom. God bless those who can, but I need to get out and see people and do things...and am SO lucky that I have a three-year-old living with me who behaves well enough for me to take her with me everywhere I want to go. Seriously, she has been to countless meetings, appointments, choir practices, restaurants, grocery stores, etc. This week, we did our share of those, but we also did some fun things including two trips to the pumpkin patch (one with a bonfire, the other in the morning), a trip to the children's museum, and painting with a shaving cream/glue/finger paint mixture. Here's some pictures from those fun times :)

She's such a fun girl and we had a great time those ten days...well, most of it ;) These days made it even more difficult to think of the days when we will no longer be together, but also reminded me about how special these days are and how much these memories will remain with us forever (especially since I have taken LOTS of pictures :) ).

This week was also a great week with the teen. After last week, I was very thankful for that! :) I took a personality test this week and asked her to do the same. She acted like she would have nothing to do with it, but she did...teenagers! She let me know that she "guessed" at some of the answers, but told me that her result was INFJ. I looked it up and it definitely sounds like her...I definitely discovered she is a protector of her mom!

She has appeared to be less stressed, even though she refuses to be happy with her 2.5 GPA from first quarter even with the VERY positive comments from all of her teachers. On Wednesday, the DHHS worker, the agency worker, AND the service coordinator came for their monthly visit. She was as "chatty" as she has ever been with them...or at least answering their questions and engaging in conversation with them. Recall, there have been times, especially with the agency worker, where it was like pulling teeth getting her to even respond to direct questions. I understand that this could be simply age-related, but she has DEFINITELY improved in her ability to have conversations since she has been with me :)

Then, for the "proud mama" moment that topped it all, she came home from school on Thursday chatting up a storm about some brainstorming her FBLA group was doing. They want to raise money to donate to a charity for Christmas and she thought that the foster care agency would be a good option. She decided she should talk to their caseworker, so she called her and they visited about what that all would entail and how to go about doing it if the group decides on that agency. The caseworker said it was the best conversation she had EVER had with her. I'm just so proud of her for taking that initiative not only to call the caseworker, but to have an idea and present it to a group of her peers is just amazing (recall, the principal told me that when she started school there in January, she could not/would not take her eyes off the ground). Such progress! Plus, this is a super duper "pay it forward" idea (one of the other clubs she has joined is going to be collecting back packs and children's books for "kids whose parents are in the court system"...her words...pretty much for "foster kids"...NOT kidding!)

She is doing SO well and is having SO much fun being involved in school and hanging out with her friends. It is hard to think about all of that changing once she goes back home, while also remembering that right now she is separated from her mom and other siblings and that is tough too. I have a hard time with the fact that I believe their mom likes the "idea" of having her kids more than actually getting them back and providing for their needs. Granted, simply because her kids don't appear to be her number one priority doesn't exactly justify remaining in foster care, it sure is difficult to watch.

After ten days off that included "celebrating the anniversary of my birth" (you can thank Ginger's husband for the clarification of what that day is called...ha!), fun times with the little one, hanging out with family and friends, and witnessing an amazing breakthrough in the teen, it was still nice to go back to work and "do what I do". I have a student nurse working with me who will graduate in December. She has told me multiple times how much she enjoys working with me and is so appreciative of what she has learned, and the way I have taught it to her. She wants to get a job on my floor, so that's really cool. I love showing students "what I do"--not just the physical taking care of patients, but caring for the whole family and all that is involved with taking care of chronically ill children. I've been at my job for seven years and can't imagine the grass being greener anywhere else :)

Well, after ten days off, I'm surprised I have not already crashed after one day back! However, I shouldn't push it and better head to bed here shortly :) Back to work tomorrow!

Good night.

I'm an ENFJ

A while back, I took a Myers-Briggs test on fb. It told me that I was an ENFJ (Extroverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging).

The other day on twitter, Lindsey posted about being an ENFJ and I decided to take another quiz. She had gotten two different results on whatever quiz she took, so I was interested.

In the test that I took, it "confirmed" that I was an ENFJ--11% Extroverted 12% Intuitive 88% Feeling 22% Judging.

I found this site (which, "coincidentally" is the same page I found when I "googled" it the last time!) and it's amazing to me that 72 "random" questions can tell you so much about yourself! Even reading the description the second time left me nodding my head, wondering if it's magic or something...ha!

I think it was a good time to re-visit this because it explains a lot about the struggles I have in my role as a foster mom.

Here are a few "highlights" from the "Portrait of an ENFJ":

• ENFJs are people-focused individuals. They live in the world of people possibilities. More so than any other type, they have excellent people skills. They understand and care about people, and have a special talent for bringing out the best in others. ENFJ's main interest in life is giving love, support, and a good time to other people. They are focused on understanding, supporting, and encouraging others. They make things happen for people, and get their best personal satisfaction from this.
• ENFJs tend to define their life's direction and priorities according to other people's needs, and may not be aware of their own needs. It's natural to their personality type that they will tend to place other people's needs above their own, but they need to stay aware of their own needs so that they don't sacrifice themselves in their drive to help others.
• ENFJ's tend to be more reserved about exposing themselves than other extraverted types. Although they may have strongly-felt beliefs, they're likely to refrain from expressing them if doing so would interfere with bringing out the best in others.
• When faced with a conflict between a strongly-held value and serving another person's need, they are highly likely to value the other person's needs.
• People love ENFJs. They are fun to be with, and truly understand and love people. They are typically very straight-forward and honest.
• ENFJs have a special gift with people, and are basically happy people when they can use that gift to help others. They get their best satisfaction from serving others. Their genuine interest in Humankind and their exceptional intuitive awareness of people makes them able to draw out even the most reserved individuals.
• In general, ENFJs are charming, warm, gracious, creative and diverse individuals with richly developed insights into what makes other people tick. This special ability to see growth potential in others combined with a genuine drive to help people makes the ENFJ a truly valued individual. As giving and caring as the ENFJ is, they need to remember to value their own needs as well as the needs of others.

Some "highlights" from another reference about ENFJ's:

ENFJs know and appreciate people. Like most NFs, (and Feelers in general), they are apt to neglect themselves and their own needs for the needs of others. They have thinner psychological boundaries than most, and are at risk for being hurt or even abused by less sensitive people. ENFJs often take on more of the burdens of others than they can bear.

Face-to-face relationships are intense, personable and warm, though they may be so infrequently achieved that intimate friendships are rare.

Dominant Feeling prefers to find the silver lining in even the most beggarly perceptions of those in their expanding circle of friends and, of course, in themselves.

Well, that's a lot of "other peoples' words" for one post, but I really think they say a lot about who I am. That's really helpful to me considering I have a hard time with the "who I am". This explains a lot about why I do what I do, why I struggle with certain things, why I thrive in certain situations.

And now I can see that being a foster parent fits the "ENFJ" personality, but it also makes sense as to why my heart has been so torn, especially in recent weeks...

I do try to see the best in people, and bring out their best. I WANT the girls' mom to be successful and so it is disappointing when she falls short, especially when it means letting down her kids. They have been in foster care for over ten months now and I found out today that they may not even be going back by the beginning of December like I had thought (my "glass half-full" thinking) since it has taken her so long to start doing the things that have been asked of her to do. As much as I love her girls (I would let them stay forever if that is what was best), the truth is that the longer they are with me, the harder it will be to let them go...and the more frustrated I will be with her for letting it happen. The teen doesn't say anything about it, but I care so much about her that it is SO hard to do the "tough love" thing with her mom if she is the one who will "suffer"...

I know that I have gotten a lot better at standing up for myself and taking care of my needs as well as the needs of others. I am trying very hard not to get wrapped up in the needs of their mom while still being supportive and bringing out the best in her/seeing the "silver lining". Even though she seems to know what buttons to push to bring me to tears, she has not seen me cry. I am actually proud of how I have been able to listen to her "drama" without allowing myself to get emotionally involved in it (and still acting like I care tremendously about how busy and stressed out she is).

Anywho, this is a super long post and I should be heading to bed. The teen went to bed an hour ago which is not like her, so hopefully she's okay (there's my ENFJ coming out...ha!) She failed her biology test today even though she studied a lot for it. I'm so proud of her effort and can't imagine how deflating that is to try so hard only to fail.

Good night.

Talking It Out-Take Three

Yesterday was my birthday. The teen couldn't bring herself to actually say "Happy Birthday" to me, even when I called her out on it. I had tried to set low expectations, so I wouldn't be disappointed. Therefore, it would have been a "bonus" if she had. I did get like 60 wall messages on facebook, tweets, texts, and phone calls, so I definitely "felt the love" on my 31st birthday :)

Of course, the day wasn't without "drama", but I did enjoy my afternoon (hmm, I'm feeling like this is a post that is going to jump around...ha!) More on my birthday later... :)

Thursday was the teen's report card conference at school. As soon as I knew the appointment time, I texted her mom. On Monday, I sent her a reminder text to see if she was still going to be able to come. She texted back that she was her mom and of course she would be there...and that I didn't need to go. Um, whatever, I'll see you there ;) Thursday morning, she calls me at 7:30. Among other things, she told me how busy she was and that she had conferences for her other kids and it was going to be REALLY tough for her to get to this one too. And then she said she would see me there...I did not hold my breath.

The teen got out of school at 2, but that is in the middle of the little one's nap time, so I let her know I'd pick her up at 3. When I got to my parents' house, she wasn't there, so I thought maybe they DIDN'T get out early. She showed up at 3:15...with a drink from a gas station. I kindly told her that I would have appreciated her calling me to tell me she was going. For some reason, she shut down and then became rude and disrespectful when I tried to figure out what was the matter. She said that "I" was the problem and that I was "jumping to conclusions". Seriously, all I said was "you KNOW I would have let you go, I just need to know where you are in case something would happen". It was completely out of character for her, but I didn't have time to argue or try and figure out why she was so angry with me since I had to get to conferences.

I showed up at the school right after her mom called to say she wouldn't be able to make it by 4. There was a slot at 4:30 and one at 6. I couldn't go to the 6:00 one since we had plans. She was going to "try" and get there by 4:30, but the advisor can only do one slot per student. By this point I was bawling because of what I had left behind at home and whatever emotions were bottled up just came spilling out. I actually went and talked to the principal because I figured I'd take the 4:30 slot and have her reschedule, but didn't know who would deal with her "wrath" if she didn't arrive on time. She called while I was in the office saying she was taking the 6:00 slot, that she had full rights and didn't want me meeting with any teachers without her.

I called the Service Coordinator since I didn't know what exactly was true about this. Basically, she said that the mom DOES have educational rights and I shouldn't be stressing about it. If she wants to go to conferences, let her and it isn't for me to worry about. In not so many words, she said that while I want what's best for the teen, she'll be going back home soon and the mom has to figure things out, so I should just let her. I just cried more as I talked to the principal, the same amazing woman who was principal when I attended that high school. As much as I have been "talking it out" in recent days, I know in my heart AND in my head that I have made a difference in these girls' lives, but to hear someone else say it makes it that much more special...

When the teen started at that school, she couldn't take her eyes off the ground. Now she laughs and smiles and goes in for extra help after school. In hindsight, even her yelling at me is a HUGE step, something that I have been wanting her to be able to do (even though it was hurtful, I've been encouraging her to express herself/her feelings verbally because holding them inside isn't helpful). One thing the principal said that is likely true, but really stinks, is that the teen may have "outbursts" like that in an attempt to be more "unlikeable" so it is easier to say good-bye. It may not even be intentional, but a way of her coping with this change that is good for the family, but hard for her heart that hasn't experienced this kind of love and attention...at least not for a long time. She reminded me that all of this is foreign to her, even going to school every day. The "normal" can only be introduced little bits at a time and then I can see all of the "little victories" add up to big ones :) So, the fact that the "Happy Birthday" never came and the pleases, thank-yous, good nights, and good mornings are few and far between aren't things that I stress about...or at least try not to, because I know that she is learning how to stand up for herself, how to advocate for her needs, and even how to have conversations with new people.

I wiped my tears, knowing that I'm doing the best I can, and it is evident in those who care about me that I am doing a great thing. And then, I got ready to bring the little one to see Beauty and the Beast at the high school (she is wearing sunglasses big enough to cover her face, so I decided this picture was "safe"). The teen cleared the dinner table...and all I said to her was "even though you weren't very nice to me, I still love you" and left it at that.

Yesterday morning, I went and picked up the girls' mom so she could come to the teen's physical/asthma check. The school nurse has been calling me because we don't have any immunization records and that is kind of "illegal". I tried calling the clinic where we got the little one's records from, and I believe the people from the State have tried getting them too, but they have lived in all different states/different addresses and were tough to track down. Of course, the mom took no responsibility for this and blamed everyone else for not being able to find them. The nurse said she would have to start the series over or get titers or something. So, I decided the mom HAD to be at this appointment, even if it meant I had to pick her up.

I'm pretty sure she wasn't happy that I stayed with them for the entire appointment. The PA didn't really work with me and believed that the mom was going to get the records within the next 10 days...seriously, this has been an issue for 10 months! But, she pulled the "I'm the mom" card once again...and a responsible one at that ;) The teen is overweight, and I was hoping that they would talk nutrition/exercise at some point (I was planning to leave for that) since she eats well at my house and has lost a bit of weight in the 10 months she has been in foster care. But, that didn't really come up, and at the point when her actual weight was said out loud, her mom yelled at her...well, she said her name loudly. Seriously, like it's all the teen's fault that she's overweight. Poor girl :( I try not to talk about it because that's a super touchy topic, but I do praise her for the good food choices she makes. She packs her own lunch every day and it's always healthy stuff. I guess I set too high of expectations for this appointment and it was rather stressful listening to her go on and on about how great of a mom she is.

After the appointment, I dropped them off at a relatives house. 2 1/2 hours with her was PLENTY and I was so excited to spend the rest of the day with my family!

I met my sister, mom, and nephew at the pumpkin patch. It was a gorgeous day! My nephew is a ham until you get the camera ready, so you have to try and catch him off guard! I love his boots! :)

After the pumpkin patch, my mom and I went and got massages. After these stressful/emotional days, it was exactly what I needed. I was SO relaxed and she worked out the kinks in my neck and back...fabulous!

After that, I picked up the girls so we could go to dinner. A birthday tradition in our family is that the birthday person gets to pick a restaurant and we all go out to eat. I picked a restaurant I had gotten a coupon for since I am the one with the two extra people :) My brother-in-law couldn't come, but we had a nice dinner anyway. I love that my sister dressed my nephew in a "My Aunt Rocks" onesie for my birthday :)

The teen decided that she wanted to go see Beauty and the Beast with her friend. Earlier in the week, she informed me that she didn't want to go. But, she asked me nicely and was prepared to skip it if our dinner ran long. I let her know that it should work out, especially since she asked me the way she did.

I was, however, torn about the plans for tonight. For weeks, she has wanted to go to this FBLA bonfire. They are supposed to have visits Friday nights, Saturdays, and Sundays, with their mom providing transportation all directions. I did the driving yesterday since I changed the times and I wanted their mom at the appointment. Earlier in the week, I let the teen know she needed to discuss this bonfire plan with her mom since it would involve leaving the visit early. Then, after Thursdays "outburst", I let their mom know that I may not be able to do transportation. And THEN, after her pulling the "I'm the mom card" on me the past two days, I really wanted to put it back on her that if she's the mom, then she needed to figure out how to get the teen to and from this bonfire. However, I care about the teen and she's going to have a really hard time participating in social gatherings when she goes back home since her mom doesn't have transportation.

My heart was REALLY torn because I had the words of the service coordinator in my head telling me that their mom needs to figure things out (and I care "too much") but the fact is I DO care about the teen and don't think she needs to "suffer" while she's in my home just because I'm trying to get her mom to be responsible.

My mom helped me figure out that since the teen tried to figure things out by making it so I didn't have to drive ALL the way to and from, that I should accommodate her. (Unfortunately, my two glasses of wine left me saying something I didn't want to/mean to say to the teen regarding how things are going to change when she goes back home, but while she's with me, I'll do what I can to make sure she can have fun...open mouth, insert foot :( )

I was still torn this morning, especially after they got picked up and I found myself agreeing to do drop off and pick up when I had planned to hang out with my friend. So, I called Ginger and was a crying mess. Her husband answered and made me laugh before she got on the phone and helped me sort through things even further. I am SO blessed to have such amazing friends and family who are helping me through the ups and downs of being a foster mom :)

In the end, I came up with a really good compromise that allowed me to do what I wanted to do, made their mom be responsible for the front-end transportation, and gave the teen the opportunity to hang out with friends. A win for everyone...unfortunately, I'm the only one who cried about it and their mom has no clue how hard this is for me (every time I talk to her, she tells me how busy/stressed she is, so she couldn't begin to understand me and my feelings...)

I just got back from picking up the teen and she talked my ear off the entire way home, telling me everything they did. She is so special and I know I'm blessed to have a teenage girl living with me who talks to me and enjoys spending time with me. Their mom canceled the visit for tomorrow, so all of my plans will need to be adjusted. That kind of stinks, but at least the little one is well-behaved and I've been able to take her pretty much anywhere (I do feel bad about the day I brought her to my eye doctor appointment, to a restaurant for lunch, AND to choir practice at church, but she did awesome!)

Well, the teen is watching football, so maybe I'll make some popcorn and join her. No wine tonight though ;)

Good night.

Take Five--Birthday Edition

The past few weeks, Sara has posted Take Five, a weekly linky thing that her friend Shannon does. I'm not exactly sure how it works, but I think you are supposed to write a 5 minute post about 5 things. Now, I've never written a post in 5 minutes...these things take me forever because I write and re-write my sentences and want things to sound right (and then eventually just have to publish it because otherwise there would never be any posts here!)

Anyway, I decided that my birthday would be an easy "Friday Five". It was a little (okay a LOT) harder than I thought, but here are five things/memories from the past year...there were MANY more, but this is supposed to be a 5 minute deal ;) Of course, I would have technological difficulties so this took like an hour to write and it's still "off", but it is what it is...Take Five, take one :)

This is actually from November when Ginger came to visit me.

Ginger is the only friend I have met online that I have actually met in person.

She is such a blessing to me, so I HAD to include a picture of her in this :)

I did travel to visit HER and her family in May, but apparently I didn't take any pictures

because I couldn't find any.

This is my "favorite" aunt. She and her family live outside of Nashville.

I went and visited them in April. I think I have gone to Nashville nearly

every year since they moved there. Next time I go, I am hoping to "hook up"

with some of the people whose tweets I follow that live there :)

My nephew turned One in June. It has been so much fun watching him 

grow and learn new things this past year. I love him :)

My grandpa passed away in September.

I'm not looking forward to the holidays without him, 

but am thankful for the memories I do have of him.

These sisters came to live with me in June.
My first foster placement, I will always remember that
I became a mom at thirty...
even if it was only temporary.
Having them here has changed my life, and I know that
they will carry a part of me wherever they go.
Our lives are forever changed, and for that I am grateful.

Countdown

I posted a birthday countdown to the top of my blog months ago. Since it seems to have become "tradition" for me to travel for my birthday, I labeled it "Where should I go this year?!" I figured my budget would only allow for a weekend away, maybe even a "road trip"...to who knows where or with whom. Little did I know that I would be sitting here two days away from my 31st birthday still not knowing what exactly I will do this weekend. How awesome that my birthday is on a Friday this year?! How fabulous it would be if I was traveling to my Alma Mater for Homecoming weekend?! Alas, it is not to be...

There was a time or two that I considered removing my "countdown", knowing that even though I would be on vacation from work (and now not getting paid for part of it since I don't have enough PTO), the travels of years past was not to be this year. However, I guess it serves as a reminder to me of how different this year is...

A year ago, when I went on my "Vegas Vacation" to celebrate turning 30, I was in a MUCH different place than I am now. While my foster parent license ought to have been completed months before then, it was held up in the system and I was able to enjoy my last nights of my 20s with some of the people I love the most. I was excited to be turning 30, and knew that the next year was sure to be filled with life-changing events...I just didn't know HOW life changing it would be.

I have always wanted to be a mom. I've been taking care of people younger than me since my sister was born (I was 23 months old). I chose a career as a pediatric nurse. I have been chosen to be the foster parent of two amazing girls. I ought to celebrate, then, that my countdown has been changed from where will I GO, to where I get to BE...and who will be there with me.

So, while my "Countdown to 31" looks much different than I imagined it to look, this birthday will have special memories, just like the 30 that have come before.

Two days and counting :)

(I hope this movie works...I made it on my computer that broke three times, so I no longer have the photos or the actual file :( )

From Movies

(Link to the post where I first posted this video here.)

Here are some pictures from my 29th birthday in California :)

And a photo from my 30th birthday in Las Vegas :)

Talking It Out-Take Two

Yesterday's post got cut a little short because I ran out of time...it also went a bit of a different direction than I anticipated. I guess the original point was that talking about the girls and this whole experience is helping me realize not only how much I have learned, but how much I have changed...and also how MUCH of a difference I am making in their lives.

Last night, I was pretty sure their mom wasn't going to make a visit happen, and then was pleasantly surprised that she found transportation. While they were gone, I felt a little bit lost...until I realized I could eat chips for an "appetizer"and drink a Woodchuck while I watched "Medium" and it was very nice :) I also checked the teen's grades and it appeared that she not only didn't turn in a Spanish assignment, she had gotten a D on the quiz. Spanish is the only class she had an A in and I really don't think it is acceptable to have missing assignments. I also believe she kind of blew off studying for that quiz. She had made plans for both last night and tonight. I debated back and forth on if I should call her at her mom's and then if I should say something before she went out. I decided "no" on interrupting the visit, but "yes" on at least letting her know I was a bit upset about what I saw on her grades and wanted her to explain herself--BEFORE I made any rash decisions like making her cancel her weekend plans.

I'm a person who has conversations in her head before they happen to try and prepare myself. It sometimes helps, but really, how are you REALLY going to know what the other person is going to say in order to prepare your response?! However, I thought I had it "scripted" pretty well in my head.

I did not anticipate that the little one would come home crying and I'd end up nearly "shouting" my "script", quickly discovering that they did not come out NEARLY as well as planned and knowing right away that I'd screwed up. I should have waited. It really COULD have waited, especially since I was going to let her go to the movie with her friends. She is speaking to me tonight, so I can say in hindsight that both of us did "well". She was giving me "attitude", but was able to come back with a "you gave me attitude first". To her credit, while I did not intend to have an attitude, the way things came out, I can see where it may have felt that way. I let her know that if she continued to act like that, I could tell her friend to go home. I apologized a hundred times, letting her know that I knew I made a mistake and was sorry (this was after she told me that I ruined her night...seriously, I'm proud of her for actually being able to verbalize her feelings). She cried, I told her to have fun and that we would talk about this another time (I left her a note letting her know when we "re-visit" this conversation, we will start over :) ).

This little scenario has a number of examples of how much we are learning, and teaching each other. I knew an apology was necessary, and even though she wasn't able in that moment to accept it, I believe she has. Admitting I made a mistake was important for me to say AND for her to hear. Both of us are learning to be better communicators and properly handle conflict. This is something that I am still not "good" at, but I definitely have gotten better in the past couple of years, so role modeling that is really cool :)

Today, I went to work and my sister came to make sure the girls actually got picked up for their visit. They did. I had a good day at work, but kept wondering if they were going to get dropped off on time. I had left a note for the teen to either call my work or call my cell when they got home so I knew they arrived safely. Since I wasn't sure if she was going to be talking to me today, I figured I would have to call and check.

Drop off was to be 6:00. I decided to give the teen a little bit of time to be settled in before calling to check on things. At 6:25, I called and no one answered (she always answers the house phone when she thinks it could be me). At 6:35, I called and no one answered. So, I called their mom who told me they were "en route"...but she really wasn't. She asked when I got off and I told her my shift ends at 7:30, so I should be home by 7:45. She said they would be dropped off at 7:20 (I told her that we should try to stick to the plan we had previously decided, but her response was that we are "communicating" since things changed). I got off work early at was home by 7:30. No girls. I waited until 7:40 before I called to check and see where they were. Mom said they would be here soon. She was not with them, but they arrived here at 7:45.

I understand that it is hard to organize schedules and coordinate transportation when you don't have a car, but this really is her time to step up to the plate and show everyone she's ready to have her kids back.  I feel badly for her, but I'm really trying to distance myself from her drama. She DID get herself into this mess and needs to figure out how to get out of it. My job is to take care of the girls and myself. Not to say I won't support her and offer encouragement when I can, but it can't be to the point where it is harmful to me and my heart/feelings.

Okay, looks like this is going to need at LEAST a "Take Three". However, it is important to note that mom canceled the visit for tomorrow since she was too stressed out to try and arrange transportation. (Thank goodness my sister didn't make plans for tomorrow since I guess she has the girls for the day.) The nearly 11 minute conversation I had with her was just bizarre. Because of the flow of things, it almost sounded like she was intoxicated. She did, however, have some very nice things to say about me and about my relationship with the teenager. She also said that once she gets the kids back, she wants me to still be friends with them "and be one big happy family"...okay, even if parts of the conversation were "out there", it is nice to know that she would like me to still have a relationship with the girls (I think I can leave the "one big happy" part out...)

Time to wrap this up...back to work tomorrow, so I should be heading to bed (after I steal some of the microwave popcorn the teen made :) ).
Good night.

Talking It Out

"You're going to miss her."

I can't tell you how many times I have heard that during the past four months. The tears welled up in my eyes just typing that. My response is usually that I'm going to miss her sister just as much (or more!) And then I say that I have ALWAYS known that they weren't coming to stay forever. But, I suppose knowing it doesn't make it any easier...

Last weekend was tough...a different kind of tough than the weekend before that one. The more I have "talked it out", the more I realize that it actually was good for both of us. Part of being a parent, a BIG part (I think!) is being a role model to your children. That is just as important (or more) when the children are just yours for a time. It was important for her to see me speak up when someone was trying to take advantage of me/being disrespectful of me and my time/feelings. It is also important to role model "conflict" that didn't involve yelling or profanity. That conversation also showed ME how far I have come, how much stronger I am than I used to be. Although I'm not quite 100% sure this is what led to the teen being so upset with me she was left in tears, there still was a lesson there that she learned, even if she doesn't realize it for years down the road.

This week I have "talked it out" to anyone willing to listen. My poor student nurse got quite the earful on Monday, but it felt really good to talk about how much I am learning. To actually verbalize that I KNOW I am making a difference, that I KNOW they will take a part of me with them wherever they go, that I KNOW each of us is forever changed by this time spent together is really a big step for me. It's easy to dismiss "what I am doing" because when people say things about "what I am doing", I sometimes don't even know what they mean! I was staring at the teen the other night wondering why it was so hard to remember what it was like before she came to live here...

That thought causes tears to roll down my cheeks because there will come a day, likely not so far down the road that she will no longer sit across from me on the couch making fun of the "old people" on Days of Our Lives. (Wow, this post wasn't supposed to be so tear-filled...I just wanted to write about how I've been "talking it out!")

However, their mom doesn't appear to be doing exactly what she is supposed to be doing to get them back. It sounds like she is flaking out on coming to get them for their visit today. I feel bad because the girls will be sad, but the service coordinator told me that it isn't REALLY my problem. If she can't get the visits figured out, then there doesn't need to be a visit. Sounds simple enough, but my heart still struggles...

Well, it's time to pick the teen up from school. I'm thinking I'll need a "Talking It Out Part Two" some time VERY soon!

Living and Learning

I'm kind of glad I didn't get a chance to "blog" about this last night, because today gave me an opportunity to "talk it out" with quite a number of folks and I am feeling "better".

Friday was the first day of this new visitation arrangement. The current plan is that the mom (and her ride) is to pick up the girls AND drop them at my house, unless we mutually decide differently. It isn't ideal, but it was better than the other suggestions. It sounded like a good plan, especially since on weekends, the teen is here and I feel comfortable leaving her here alone with the little one. I try not to do it very often, but know that short periods of time are okay and I would never expect her to watch her for the entire 13 hours I am at work. Friday night, I started to get a little heartburn about the situation thinking that maybe someone SHOULD be here for pick up and drop off since I really don't want their mom or any other members of their family to just come hang out in my house for a while, especially while I'm gone. I don't ACTUALLY think that my teen would do that or really that the mom would either, but it was definitely a thought that left me feeling uncomfortable.

So, on Friday, my dad was here when the little one got dropped off (since the teen had gone out and wasn't able to watch her for a little while until I got home). Yesterday morning, my mom came over before they got picked up since I was at work. The plan was that my parents would be here when they got dropped off. Drop-off was to be 6:00, so they were going to be here at 5:45 in case they were early. I ended up having to go home from work early since we didn't have many patients, so told my parents they were "off the hook" (they were happy about that...God bless my parents, they have completely adjusted/rearranged their schedules to accommodate me and my girls).

At 6:15 I called to see where they were. She said they were 15-20 minutes away because they dropped off the boys first. I was already irritated because there wasn't a call and my parents would have been waiting half an hour by this point. They finally pulled up at 6:40, meaning my parents would have sat there waiting for an hour. That is ridiculous and completely disrespectful...which is what I told her. Well, not the ridiculous part, but I definitely let her know that it "wasn't right" to make people wait that long, especially since my parents were doing me a favor. "Apparently", they got lost and also had the times mixed up, but still...ridiculous. I know my parents would have been TICKED to wait that long and I would have felt AWFUL having them do me a favor and it turning into something like that.

Well, I found out HOW protective the teen is of her mom after that. From the moment I opened my mouth to talk to her mom, I could tell she was upset. Then, she shut herself in her room with her music and homework and refused to answer any of my questions. After I got the little one to bed, I tried to talk to her again and she started crying. All she would tell me was that she "wasn't going to tell me because I would keep doing it". I pleaded with her to please share because there is no way I CAN change if she doesn't give me the opportunity. I reminded her of how much I care about her and that if I was doing something that hurt her so bad that it made her cry, I really ought to know. She wouldn't budge, even after I told her I was going to call her mom to talk to her. (The conversation at my house didn't end very well because both the mom and her aunt got all defensive and rude, so we stopped talking about it and they left.)

I did call their mom and apologized for having the conversation in front of the girls, but it was something that needed to be said. I let her know that we need to make sure this didn't happen again. I pointed out that she, too, would have been upset if someone was THAT late. Everyone's time is valuable and if there is a schedule, we need to stick with it, unless there is communication to change it. It was a much more pleasant conversation and she voiced understanding of where I was coming from. She quickly pointed out that the teen is VERY protective of her mom, so she had a feeling that M was giving me a hard time. I let them talk since it seemed like the only way she was going to talk to me was if her mom said it was okay.

After that, the teen talked to me about this, that, and the other thing, but still refused to fill me in on what I did/do that brought her to tears. My best guess is that it was the conversation with her mom, but I suppose it could be something else. I reminded her that her mom is a grown-up, and so am I. Sometimes we may have to agree to disagree on some things. I'm not sure what else I said because things kept spilling out, but did tell her I'm here whenever she decides to talk. I also told her that I think we are a lot alike. It IS hard to tell someone that she/he hurt you and express those kinds of feelings. I definitely don't think I was able to do it at 15, but she is in a situation where those kind of conversations are important ones to have. The person who hurt her is her mom, not me, but I suppose I need to prepare myself in case I become the target of her anger/frustration.

I'm thankful that I've been working on my thick skin, because this transition back to home could get ugly. It sounds like her ONE plan for transportation may be falling through and right now I don't feel much like accommodating visits by providing transportation. I may change my mind for the girls' sake, but I also need to take care of myself and not let people take advantage of me...the same advice I have been giving to the teen :)

I'm actually feeling pretty strong right now, and have surrounded myself with people who have given me strength when I didn't have it. This morning, Ginger reminded me that your kids aren't ALWAYS going to like you. I know, "news flash", but it isn't a feeling I am used to having, so it was upsetting to me that the teen was so upset with me, but wouldn't tell me why. I also talked to another really good friend who gave me some more good advice :) I went to the Pediatric/Perinatal Memorial Service that I coordinated and visited with a chaplain, a child life specialist, the director of my department, and the manager of the NICU. Talk about talking to anyone who will listen...ha!

Talking it out helped me realize that I handled things just fine. I handled them the best way possible at the time, and that's really what matters. I HAD to stand up for myself and let her know that I won't tolerate being treated with disrespect. It actually was an important lesson for the teen to learn, even though she may not know she was learning it. I have told her that SHE matters, and me and my feelings matter too. Apologizing to her mom for having the conversation in front of the kids was a "grown-up" thing to do, and I'm proud of myself for keeping my cool and expressing myself without getting too emotional.

You live, you learn, that's what people say. And yes, I'm definitely living AND learning...and hopefully teaching some people along the way :)

Well, I am sure there is tons more I could say, but it's getting late and I work in the morning.
So, good night.

Recovering

I decided that I should post SOMETHING so that this post is no longer my latest one. This week actually did get better, mostly because the teen was MUCH less stressed, even acting quite silly and really super chatty (even when I was trying to read blog posts or watch a show...beggars can't be choosers, right?!) She did end up failing her biology test yesterday, even though she had been going to all the study sessions, studied herself, AND I quizzed her multiple times. Her teacher let her come after school and re-take a portion orally and she ended up with a B. She has not gotten her last World History test back, but I hope she did well. However, I wonder if not understanding the questions when she reads them has been her issue with all of the tests she got low scores on. I haven't talked to the Student Advocate or to her advisor, although I did put a call in to her and we may "chat" tomorrow.

The little one had her 3-year check up this morning. Even though I told her mom about it and reminded her yesterday, it didn't work for her to come. I did talk her mom into letting her get a flu shot because I think they are important. She also got a finger stick for a blood count and lead check. She did really well and actually freaked out more when I tried to get her to pee in a cup before the appointment even started. She had accidents four times in a week and I am pretty sure it is behavioral, but figured if I could get a sample, it would be worth checking to make sure she didn't have a UTI. That was a definite "no go". She weighs just over 28 pounds and is 36 inches tall. All they gave me was the computer print-out of the curve which was hard to see, but it is around 25% for both. Definitely crazy considering how much she eats, but at least I give her healthy foods for the most part...not sure that's the case when she's with her mom, but nothing I can do about that.

I went and saw "my" Spiritual Director after her appointment and she did SO well there, even though we talked for a long time! We had a really good conversation and I realized how often I really DO feel God's presence during this time I have had with the girls. Even though the transition back to home will be rough, I know that their time with me is special, no matter how long it ends up being. God has placed some super amazing people in my life who I know will be there with me and for me when that time comes, just as they have been there in the past. I've definitely been asking Him for words of wisdom during the conversations I've been having with the teen (and the ones I've had with their mom...I definitely need to choose my words carefully!) and so far don't think I've said anything I really regret.

The little one took a good nap, then we picked up the teen from school. She decided to skip the visit with her mom and go to a football game with her friends. She later called to see if she could go to a dance too. I said sure, but it doesn't get over until midnight, so I made her promise to wake me up when she gets home. I would try to stay awake, but I work at 7 and I don't do that great on little sleep! I'm excited to hear all about it, but hopefully she isn't TOO ready to talk at 12:30 or whenever she gets home! That change in plans did change everything though since I was scheduled to work at the pumpkin patch from 5-8:30 and drop off was to be at 8:30. If BOTH girls were being dropped off, it would be fine if no one was here because I trust the teen. However, the little one can't be here by herself ;) So, my parents came to my house to get her from the visit and all worked out, but it definitely was crazy trying to get that all figured out when I picked her up at 4 and needed to leave for work by 4:15!

The visits were changed to Friday, Saturday, and Sunday with the mom/mom's aunt doing all of the transportation. It isn't ideal that the pick up and drop off are at my house, but it was the best option given to me. I didn't want my sister to have to bring them to and from a neutral location (and meet their mom if she didn't feel comfortable with that). I got a little concerned about it today because I really don't want her to come in my house while I'm not here (probably not even if I WAS here!), but will have to figure out a tactful way of telling the teen.

The downside of this week is that my mom's sister was diagnosed with breast cancer. One of her other sisters (she has five of them) was diagnosed and treated three years ago, but apparently this is a different kind. It's scary to think about, but I'm not sure I'd want to go through genetic testing if it was offered.... She was just diagnosed, so I'm not sure what she will do. My other aunt opted to do a double mastectomy, even though the cancer was only found in one breast.

Well, there's an update...I'm falling asleep at my computer which is just crazy since I did take a bit of a nap earlier. I'm not sure why I'm so tired these days since I believe I'm getting enough sleep, but I'll definitely take sleep whenever I can get it ;)

Good night.

Feeling Weary

I wish I had had time to write this post days ago, when the weariness had just begun, before I reached the point that I can no longer keep the tears from falling. I'm tired. Mostly emotionally, but physically too...

I can't believe it's been nearly a week since I blogged, so I guess I should rewind a bit. I'm not exactly sure when things began to go in a downward spiral, but maybe I should start from where I left off.

Friday, the teenager did not have school and my aunt had planned a bonfire for the pumpkin patch where I was also working. So, I decided it would be fun for the three of us to go, then they could stay with my family or walk around while I worked since I was just scheduled 5-8:30. The teen was already stressing Thursday night about her English outline that was due on Monday and all her other homework. However, I was going to (attempt) to "force" her to come with us whether she wanted to or not because it was a "family deal". It ended up working out that her best friend could come with us, so it was nice I didn't have to fully convince her it was a good idea.

She had a great time while we were there (and the little one did amazingly well without a nap even though we were there from 2-9:30!) However, when we got home, she went straight into stress mode. I reminded her that when she's 30, she will remember going to the pumpkin patch with her best friend and little sister, not staying home working on her English homework. Yes, I was a straight-A student, but one of my "regrets" is not having a little bit more fun outside of school. But, I talked to her about what exactly an outline is and the purpose of it. Okay, talked at her may be a more appropriate description of the talking at a brick wall I was doing...

I received a note from the "Student Advocate" letting me know that the teen was placed in a mandatory after school study session for biology since she failed her last exam. I was already aware of this since she  told me right away. However, the letter said it was due to her "not working up to her potential". Well, that sent me into "Mother Hen mode". It was like a slap in the face because she tries SO hard, I've been telling her for weeks how proud I am of her effort, and I study with her every single day. I was at a loss for words, although I did manage to send her a lengthy, rather emotional, email Saturday evening. This girl needs HELP, help that I'm not able to give her. She has been talking to her teachers, getting help from me, and doing pretty much nothing besides homework and study.

Sunday, I was scheduled to work, but was forced off yet again. It actually worked out okay since my dad was going to bring the girls to their mom and she called two minutes before he was to drop them off to let me know she wasn't home. Fabulous. Also, even though Saturday night, I had spent over an hour brainstorming a rough outline with the teenager, she still didn't get it. So, Sunday entailed six (or eight) hours of straight working on the outline with her asking me questions/getting reinforcement every few minutes. I couldn't get anything else done, so was glad the little one took an over 3 hour nap. She just couldn't wrap her mind about how it worked, nor does she have a good grasp of grammar/spelling/sentence structure. She spent hours and hours working on it, but if you didn't know it, you likely wouldn't have believed it. By 11:30, she was spent, and so was I. She wasn't even completely finished at that time. I can't even imagine how frustrated she was and how discouraging that must feel to seriously have no clue how to do these things because it was stressful (and emotional) enough for me to watch.

Yesterday, I went to work and was thankful for a nice, slow day that wasn't filled with emotionally draining patients (as if a four-year-old with cancer and a thirteen-year-old who had severe head trauma from a bike accident aren't emotional...). I sent an email to the teen's English teacher letting her know how much time was put into the outline that was turned in. I received a nice email response from her letting me know that she is well aware of the effort and that M has been going in for extra help quite often. She offered to pass my email on to the other teachers. I also received an email response from her advisor since I had sent an email to her last week. She is also one of M's teachers and offered to let her take the test Monday instead of Friday so M can focus on her Biology test. She is going to continue to offer support to M which is great. The student advocate also emailed me back and apologized for the wording stating it was sort of a form letter. She stated she was aware that M needs extra help, but didn't EXACTLY say what she was going to do about it. However, the combination of the three emails did make me feel better, although a few days of stewing about it definitely didn't help my emotional state.

Last night, the teen actually appeared slightly less stressed for some reason, but it was definitely a breath of fresh air after the intensity of the previous days.

Good thing I had that "break" because today was not-so-stellar. I think it was the culmination of everything rather than one specific thing that sent me over the edge, but it was not pretty...

I brought the little one to her mom at 8:30. I was looking forward to working on my September foster parent report (I kept quite the log with all of the he said/she said that went on during that time) and just relaxing, and hopefully getting an appointment to see my counselor. However, somehow the morning got away from me (I did go let my sister put some color in my hair which was much needed and I feel a LOT better in the hair-do department which is nice :) ). Everything was taking me longer than expected and I ended up having to go through the drive-thru on the way to my 2:00 appointment (and I got a shake...much needed!)

One thing that held me up was an "innocent" call to the agency that has been providing transportation to let them know they only needed to pick up the teen and they could be brought back to my house. I was informed they they just found out they were no longer providing transportation and I just about lost it. Seriously, right then? Today? When we have a family team meeting tomorrow? And no one decided to call and let me know about the change? So...apparently, I for sure would need to pick up the little one, and possibly have to do a "round trip" with the teen so she could see her mom today too...so much for my evening alone.

I went to my appointment and the service coordinator returned my call while I was there. I just lost it and started bawling. I understand that the mom needs to take responsibility for transportation, but really, the only people that were hurt/affected by the change today was me and the girls. Would it have been SO hard to continue the visit today as usual and discuss the changes tomorrow as a group?? I just didn't understand why I was the one who had to deal with the fall-out from this decision when I'M the one taking care of the kids!

Plus, I seriously needed tonight, I really did. I love these girls with all my heart and LOVE that the teen is willing to ask for help and talk to me, but I needed a break. My mind needed a break from high school homework for a little while. I needed to write a blog post so maybe the tears wouldn't have come and then decide to stick around for a while. I needed a nap or something so I wouldn't snap at the little one for eating with her fingers or get irritated with the teen for not listening when I was trying to help her with her algebra.

And, I've been working on this post for two hours...in between helping with algebra.

Oh, and the little one never got a nap today and her mom took her all over the place. I didn't give her a nap on Friday, so understand and was definitely lucky she wasn't crabbier than she was. However, both last night and tonight, she cried for her mom at bedtime (and also for her sister). She hasn't cried for her sister at bedtime in MONTHS and I can't remember her crying for her mom before.

Well, it's late, but thankfully the teen has a late start, so I may be able to sleep in a little bit. I suggested going out for breakfast, so maybe we will do that...I think the teen and I both need an "outing" :)

Good night.