Last night, I was pretty sure their mom wasn't going to make a visit happen, and then was pleasantly surprised that she found transportation. While they were gone, I felt a little bit lost...until I realized I could eat chips for an "appetizer"and drink a Woodchuck while I watched "Medium" and it was very nice :) I also checked the teen's grades and it appeared that she not only didn't turn in a Spanish assignment, she had gotten a D on the quiz. Spanish is the only class she had an A in and I really don't think it is acceptable to have missing assignments. I also believe she kind of blew off studying for that quiz. She had made plans for both last night and tonight. I debated back and forth on if I should call her at her mom's and then if I should say something before she went out. I decided "no" on interrupting the visit, but "yes" on at least letting her know I was a bit upset about what I saw on her grades and wanted her to explain herself--BEFORE I made any rash decisions like making her cancel her weekend plans.
I'm a person who has conversations in her head before they happen to try and prepare myself. It sometimes helps, but really, how are you REALLY going to know what the other person is going to say in order to prepare your response?! However, I thought I had it "scripted" pretty well in my head.
I did not anticipate that the little one would come home crying and I'd end up nearly "shouting" my "script", quickly discovering that they did not come out NEARLY as well as planned and knowing right away that I'd screwed up. I should have waited. It really COULD have waited, especially since I was going to let her go to the movie with her friends. She is speaking to me tonight, so I can say in hindsight that both of us did "well". She was giving me "attitude", but was able to come back with a "you gave me attitude first". To her credit, while I did not intend to have an attitude, the way things came out, I can see where it may have felt that way. I let her know that if she continued to act like that, I could tell her friend to go home. I apologized a hundred times, letting her know that I knew I made a mistake and was sorry (this was after she told me that I ruined her night...seriously, I'm proud of her for actually being able to verbalize her feelings). She cried, I told her to have fun and that we would talk about this another time (I left her a note letting her know when we "re-visit" this conversation, we will start over :) ).
This little scenario has a number of examples of how much we are learning, and teaching each other. I knew an apology was necessary, and even though she wasn't able in that moment to accept it, I believe she has. Admitting I made a mistake was important for me to say AND for her to hear. Both of us are learning to be better communicators and properly handle conflict. This is something that I am still not "good" at, but I definitely have gotten better in the past couple of years, so role modeling that is really cool :)
Today, I went to work and my sister came to make sure the girls actually got picked up for their visit. They did. I had a good day at work, but kept wondering if they were going to get dropped off on time. I had left a note for the teen to either call my work or call my cell when they got home so I knew they arrived safely. Since I wasn't sure if she was going to be talking to me today, I figured I would have to call and check.
Drop off was to be 6:00. I decided to give the teen a little bit of time to be settled in before calling to check on things. At 6:25, I called and no one answered (she always answers the house phone when she thinks it could be me). At 6:35, I called and no one answered. So, I called their mom who told me they were "en route"...but she really wasn't. She asked when I got off and I told her my shift ends at 7:30, so I should be home by 7:45. She said they would be dropped off at 7:20 (I told her that we should try to stick to the plan we had previously decided, but her response was that we are "communicating" since things changed). I got off work early at was home by 7:30. No girls. I waited until 7:40 before I called to check and see where they were. Mom said they would be here soon. She was not with them, but they arrived here at 7:45.
I understand that it is hard to organize schedules and coordinate transportation when you don't have a car, but this really is her time to step up to the plate and show everyone she's ready to have her kids back. I feel badly for her, but I'm really trying to distance myself from her drama. She DID get herself into this mess and needs to figure out how to get out of it. My job is to take care of the girls and myself. Not to say I won't support her and offer encouragement when I can, but it can't be to the point where it is harmful to me and my heart/feelings.
Okay, looks like this is going to need at LEAST a "Take Three". However, it is important to note that mom canceled the visit for tomorrow since she was too stressed out to try and arrange transportation. (Thank goodness my sister didn't make plans for tomorrow since I guess she has the girls for the day.) The nearly 11 minute conversation I had with her was just bizarre. Because of the flow of things, it almost sounded like she was intoxicated. She did, however, have some very nice things to say about me and about my relationship with the teenager. She also said that once she gets the kids back, she wants me to still be friends with them "and be one big happy family"...okay, even if parts of the conversation were "out there", it is nice to know that she would like me to still have a relationship with the girls (I think I can leave the "one big happy" part out...)
Time to wrap this up...back to work tomorrow, so I should be heading to bed (after I steal some of the microwave popcorn the teen made :) ).
Good night.
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