The teen was initially her chatty self and then I attempted to talk to her about something "tough" (mostly because my therapist was trying to make sure I'd be "ok" if things don't go the way "we"/"I" want them to go). I said something like "you're going to be okay even if you have to change schools next year"...her response was "no I won't be" and told me she wouldn't go to school and/or she would leave the State to go live with an aunt. She may have said one or two more things and then completely shut down. Her wall was up and she refused to tell me what happened, what she was feeling, or talk about anything.
She eventually agreed to go outside with me for a little while to study while I planted some flowers. We were not close enough to have a normal voice conversation, so maybe that felt "safe". Then, she went to her room while I finished making dinner.
She talked for a little while at dinner and then I asked her if she still wanted to go to college. She shrugged her shoulders, muttered a "maybe" (or something similar) and the wall went back up. I tried to get her to talk as she rubbed/covered her eyes...the only thing she muttered was that she had a headache. She wouldn't respond to any questions, tell me what I said to upset her, even acknowledge that she WAS upset...
I finally gave up on her talking and let her get up to do the dishes. I was so upset/frustrated that the tears started to fall as we worked in silence...her rinsing the dishes and me putting them into the dishwasher which is our normal routine.
She went to her room and I continued to cry...and pray for guidance/wisdom/strength/for her to feel my love and His love... I know she's not "really" my daughter, but when she's hurting it sure does make my heart ache. I love her so much and it is SO hard when I know she's struggling, but have no idea why (or which one of the 101 reasons she has to be hurting/struggling it is right now) and she, for whatever reason, cannot tell me.
After a few minutes, I tearfully knocked on her door and asked her when she wanted to go home. She said "now" but it took a few minutes for her to get ready, so I sat at the table and cried while I waited for her.
We made the drive to her house in silence as I fought back the tears. She looked a little upset too, but she was bound and determined not to let any tears fall. I told her I loved her and would be around if she wanted to talk later. I may text her here in a little bit since both of us have had a little time to "settle".
Her mom is scheduled to meet at her school tomorrow at noon. I believe she owes a chunk of tuition that has to be paid before the teen can take finals. Even though I'm willing to do all her service work and pay tuition (if the teen gets a job), it's kind of "murky" on if that is acceptable or not and if her mom is willing to sacrifice anything to make it possible for her daughter to graduate from the school she's attended for three years...
My heart is hurting and the tears are falling...praying for lots of things including being able to deal with the "fall out" if things do not go in a way that seems to be in the best interest of the teen...I love that girl so very much...
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