My family and I are kind-hearted people. We like to help other people. So, saying no is just as hard for my parents as it is for me. Plus, if they don't go on a visit, then sometimes my parents "have" to watch them. Sure, they are really good kids, but it still takes energy to "entertain" and sometimes a break is nice :)
Their mom has unsupervised visits, so she can have them whenever she wants. She just can't have them overnight yet because her apartment is too small (I thought she was moving to a bigger apartment 2 weeks ago, but apparently that hasn't happened). However, she takes them for up to nine hours on Saturdays and Sundays and doesn't call during the week. That is all. She does not have a job. She has not had a job the entire time her kids have been in foster care...nearly fourteen months now.
Back to the service coordinator conversation...she said that if she calls in the morning to say she can't come get the girls, or can't get them home, then they can't have a visit. However, Saturday morning their mom texted me before she picked them up to say they needed a ride home and I was at work. She had them at a visit and they aren't supposed to spend the night, so what was I supposed to do (my dad picked them up)? Yesterday, she said she couldn't get them because of the weather, but I felt bad and my dad drove them there with her word that she would get them back (I texted her five times before I let my dad drive them to make sure she really would get them back to my house). Last week, I picked them up because her ride got a flat tire. The week before, my mom dropped them off because she was going to send a taxi for them (that has since been "nixed" as an option). So, basically, if we didn't help, then they wouldn't see their mom AT ALL...and apparently that isn't supposed to be something that stresses me out.
However, it doesn't seem to be in the best interest of the girls if they ARE to be going home "soon" for them to go home after being out of the home for over a year after not even getting regular visits. So, I feel stuck. The coordinator said she knows I'm "just trying to do the right thing", but I guess we just have to be mean, even if it hurts the girls in the process.
Have I mentioned I hate this?!
I've known since my Day 1 (June 5) that reunification was the goal. I get that. I understand that when they ARE with her, she feeds them and takes care of their physical needs. Their safety is not at risk. However, if she REALLY wanted them back, like REALLY wanted them back, then why is it taking her so long to do what she needs to do to get them? And why isn't she doing everything in her power to see them each and every day (or at least call them)? And if "everyone" knows that she likes the "idea" of having her kids more than "actually" having them, then why can't something be done? This part-time mom is a sweet gig for her, especially when other people are working harder than she is to make sure she sees her kids...and yet all she can say is that no one is helping her (although I do get an occasional thank you which is much appreciated ;) ).
Yes I do know that I signed up to be a foster mom ;)
The coordinator asked mom why she doesn't come get the little one every day since she doesn't go to school and mom doesn't work. She said it's because my sister watches the little one (I texted my sister that answer and she said "Did you say 'yes she watches her because you don't take her-duh!'" I laughed at that one...seriously, duh! Plus, I only work three days a week and have been working a lot of weekends, so there were 3-4 days a week she could have had her all day long.)
I thought that I was doing my best at doing the "tough love" thing, but guess I am still being "too nice". However, these girls are supposed to be going home soon and there is potential that they will just go home without any sort of transition. Personally, I need some kind of transition for myself to adjust to them not being there and I don't really feel that selfish for thinking that. I have been taking care of these girls day in and day out for over 7 1/2 months, loving them all through their mom leaving town, canceling visits, shortening visits, and putting forth minimal (at best) effort to have any sort of contact with them. They both attack me with their chatting about this and that as soon as I walk in the door from work. The little one tells me she loves me all day long. The teen told me she wants to take voice lessons, try out for the sophomore talent show, and be on the cheerleading squad next year. She shares her accomplishments and tells me dreams for her future. I'm there when they go to bed and I'm there when they wake up (most days). I can't even imagine these things coming to an abrupt halt...and knowing that their mom hasn't done a single thing to get them back (but will anyway) just makes it even worse.
If they are going home whether they have one visit or twenty, then maybe I shouldn't stress out about it, but that's way easier said than done. The little one has spent over 1/3 of her life in foster care and was barely bonded to her mom before then, so is it really "fair" to just throw her back to someone she "visits" maybe twice a week? The teen has spent the past 14 months being a kid rather than a parent, so I'd like to hear that she will continue to get to be a teenager when she goes home.
All this rambling on and on and I still don't know what to think or what is "right". Hopefully we will make some progress during our family team meeting tomorrow afternoon. Prayers are definitely appreciated...we all need them :)
Good night.
No comments:
Post a Comment