This Place

I have been trying and trying to get myself back to this place to write down all that's in my heart and on my mind. I love this place, this place where I have written about the ups and the downs and everything in between for over four years now. However, I haven't been able to make it here for one reason or another. It's been a week and a half since I found out the Judge said the girls could go home. It's been a week since I found out that Sweet Sara was entering hospice care and would be leaving this Earth much sooner than anyone who knows her would like. I've been trying to find the words, but every time I think I'm ready something happens and I can't get to this place to write. This emotional roller coaster ride I have been on for the past week and half has not been fun, but I don't want to ask to get off it because I'm afraid I won't like what's at the end.

So, one of these days (tomorrow, hopefully?!) I will write my "Gitzen Girl Groupie" post.

Tomorrow morning, the girls' mom goes back to court. I'm not sure why or what will be said, but she texted me at 8:00 tonight asking me to bring the girls with me. The teen is going to school, but I said I'd bring the little one. She's lucky I took the day off work to go or she wouldn't have been able to have her little one there to show everyone that she's Mother of the Year. I thought maybe I'd have another week with the little one, but now I'm not sure what's going to happen.

I was trying to use a coupon for a free book on $hutterfly that expires in a couple of hours and make the second edition of a memory book for the little one (with pictures from May until now since the first one is June 2010-May 2011). However, I'm thinking I need to rest up for tomorrow and will just have to pay for it when it's finished. Maybe I'll use the free coupon to get a copy of the first memory book for me to have.

It feels so nice to come back to this place...I have so much more that I want to/need to write, but it will have to wait for another day.

Good night.

9/22/11/ 1100 PM
Court update: Their mom texted me about 7:30 this morning to let me know that her aunt didn't think it would be appropriate for the little one to go to court and she should go to school. That was a relief to me and probably the best idea for everyone. Mom's lawyer didn't show up, so there wasn't actually a hearing (it was supposed to be a "review" anyway). The court report (from last week) stands and the girls can go home, but we are working out the details on when that is going to happen. The caseworkers will meet with mom tomorrow to see how things are going with her. I am anticipating that the little on will go home on the 30th and the teen 1-3 weeks after that. When court was over, their mom asked me for a ride home. Apparently, she didn't have money for the bus and had to borrow money from a friend to get there. Of course I gave her a ride because I'm not about to cause any tension or rifts between us for the sake of the kids and their best interest. The caseworker told me she is going to be making a number of unannounced visits to see how things are going, so that makes me feel better about them going home. Also, it sounds like I can be included in the "safety plan" (I'm not 100% clear on what this is, but apparently it is a legal document that says the girls can come to me if they need to after they go home...I will get a copy of it so know what it means.)


The girls continue to do great...the little one and I went to the park after dinner, the teen and I watched SVU and Parenthood after the little one was in bed. We are making the most of the time we have been given and will have many treasured memories from this time...been thinking a lot about Sara and all she has taught me...I'll get my post written one of these days when I find the words and make the time.