Not Sure What Just Happened

So, I've been debating on what, if anything, to say to the teen in regards to her third quarter effort/grades. It appeared that her effort wasn't quite there and the D's/F's/zeros on homework, quizzes, and tests left me wondering what was happening. I know she spent more time at her mom's during that time, but this girl has GOALS and it just didn't make sense. However, at one time she said that I was stressing her out about grades, even though I had only told her to try her best and get help when she needs it, and also that I was here to help her. So, I have backed off and pretty much let her do her thing (kind of...I still ask every day if her homework is done, if she has quizzes/tests the next day, and if she needs help studying). I didn't want her to think that I didn't care and THAT was why I didn't address her grades, but I also didn't want her to think I was freaking out about her grades (because her final quarter grades were B's and C's, they just would have been better had she not had so many D's, F's, and zeros).

It's been an internal struggle for weeks and I finally decided I would say something...tonight.

I set the stage in what I thought would be a pleasant conversation where I would be the one in tears, not her. I was hoping my approach would give her an opportunity to speak and share her thoughts on what happened and give me some direction on what she would like me to do.

The conversation started out okay. I told her she has lived her a long time (9 months) and I know I am not her mom. I asked her if she knew how much I cared about her and if she knew I loved her...she nodded yes. I told her that I care so much about her and when she hurts, I hurt (I wrote a post about that) and that I am so very proud of her. Then, I went to the point of what happened 3rd quarter with those grades since they were so unlike her. I reminded her that she told me at the beginning of the quarter she wanted to get better grades this semester and how often she talks about college. I told her that certain things she can control, like homework grades and asking for help, and agree that some things are just harder for her and maybe C's and D's are her best...

I'm not sure at what point she went into her wall up, withdrawn, I'm not going to look at you or talk to you mode, but that's where we ended up. And then the tears started to fall (hers, not mine this time).

So, then it was just me talking to her and her not responding. I asked her if she thought I was disappointed in her, and assured her that most definitely was not the case. I asked if she was disappointed in herself, and told her she really shouldn't be. She wouldn't respond to anything, so I just kept talking and told her again how proud I am of her, that I am here to help her reach her goals, that she is so very special to me and I want the best for her...and she continued to cry.

I asked if she wanted to be left alone, she shook her head yes and is watching her favorite show.

I told her that my goal of that conversation was not to make her cry and I had no clue that was going to happen. It wasn't meant to be a tough conversation, but she does need to learn how to deal with them in a manner other than shutting down because that doesn't work so well when you are a "grown up". I just heard her make a sound at the TV, so maybe I'll see if she has anything to say...probably not, but worth a shot!

I have the next three days off and I'm hoping to get some things done around the house (since I don't have to deal with their mom-yay! ;) )

Good night.