Do I have anything to say?: Two Weeks

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Two Weeks

I talked to the service coordinator yesterday (while I was at work). She told me to expect nothing different than for the judge to say the girls can go home when the hearing is over. The hearing is May 31, which is two weeks from today.

I managed to hold in the tears during work, but once I got home, I didn't last very long. The little one had put herself to bed 10 minutes before I got home which was cute and made life easier for me, but it was one less time I had the opportunity to put her to bed. So, I cried, and I "tweeted" (while the teen was in her room studying for finals and listening to JJ Heller's "What Love Really Means"...her new favorite song...I'll post it at the end). My "twitter friends" offered their prayers and reminded me that "the impact you've made on their lives is immeasurable" and "tears just mean there is love there".

I did more crying and "talking it out" today with my friends at Curves, with my family, and pretty much anyone else willing to listen ;) I know that I have made a difference in their lives (and they in mine). I know that they are "the lucky ones" who were given an opportunity to live in a "functioning" family out of poverty with unconditional love for 18 months. I also don't think that our "good-bye" will be "forever", (I just had to take a break to watch a video/slide the teen made of the baseball game we went to last month...I managed to get through it without crying) but I'm certain there will be plenty of tears in the coming weeks.

Yes, I'm fortunate to know that they will be "safe". I know they will have food and a roof over their head. I realize there are foster parents who send their foster kids back to much worse. Yes, there are some things about this that I won't miss, but MANY things that I will. I'm still worried about what is going to happen to them when they go back to a life that is so much different than the one they have lived for nearly a year in my home. I'm working on a $hutterfly book for the little one and had over 800 pictures to choose from. Now THAT is a lot of memories! :) It has been harder to make than I thought, but it is going to be very special when it is done. That means that both girls will have books to bring with them and both of them have canvases for their rooms. They also have "a bazillion" memories and life experiences and have been given amazing role models (if I do say so myself...I have awesome friends and family!)

I think I will end this post for now, but will try and "blog" a little more frequently during the next two weeks as I continue to process what this means for all of us. Your prayers are appreciated for all of us. I'm thinking a lot about their mom and how she has no clue how much different her kids are after spending 18 months out of her care, and pray that she will take all the help she can get/use the resources offered to her. I'm planning to pack as many memories into these next two weeks as I can. My gut is telling me that I really only have about nine days left with them since they likely will spend Memorial Day weekend with her and since court is the next day, I'm thinking they will just stay.

Here are some pictures of the little one from our trip downtown and from my softball game tonight as well as a link to the teen's current favorite song. Her therapist was going to have her talk about the song because we both believe there is a "reason" it is her current favorite...I've been telling her "I love you for you" ;)

Good night.

1 comment:

Steph{anie} said...: My heart breaks for you. As much as you realized that this arrangement was only temporary, I can only imagine how much it hurts to know your arrangement is coming to an end. Praying for you as you process your emotions; savor each moment and allow God's peace to surround you.; 19 May, 2011 16:50

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This blog purposefully is left full name and location free out of respect to my family and to my patients/families. Due to the nature of my work, and having foster children in my home, it is important to maintain privacy and confidentiality. All photographs of patients were either given to me by the families or taken with family permission. Thank you for your understanding and support in helping me protect myself and "my people" =) If you have any questions, or want to know more about me, feel free to email me at iloveblogs44 {at} gmail {dot} com.

Who's Who

Updated September 2013

I have one sister who is married and has two boys. "A" was born June 2009 and "I" was born March 2012. We are both really close to my parents and have lots of "family dinners".

I wrote a lot about my patients when I first started this blog. Some patients are still growing and thriving, and others have lost their battles.

My first foster placements lived with me from June 2010-September 2011. They were sisters who were 15 and almost 3 when they were placed with me and are now 18 and 5. I called M "the teen" and L "the little one". They live with their mom who still has many issues, but are doing well (ok) and I still have (not enough) contact with them.

My second foster placement came to me September 6, 2012. I call her Zoe and she turned 5 in April. She has cystic fibrosis and has been a patient on my floor at the hospital. The plan is still reunification.

Ivy is a 17-year-old whose mom died just before Thanksgiving. She has a Guardian, but is unable to live with him due to some family issues. She has no other family who is willing/able to take her. She moved in with me the beginning of February. She moved to a group home at the beginning of August as her needs were too great for me with my schedule and having another child with special needs.