The question everyone wants to know is how will I "cope" after the girls go back home. The answer has typically been that I don't know. After a conversation I had with the service coordinator on Thursday, it seems like the "soon" that has been for the past ten months may actually be here before I know it...and definitely before I am ready for it. I go between having a pit in my stomach to crying to remembering all the good times and knowing how much better our lives are because of this time...and a variety of emotions/feelings in between. My caseworker was on vacation last week, so today was a catch up day for her and she didn't have a chance to call me. Hopefully I'll be able to touch base with her in the morning before she comes to see the girls in the afternoon. I have an opportunity to write something to the judge, but I need advice on if it is worth it. If what I have to say isn't going to change anything and could actually make things worse, than it is probably best for me to keep it to myself. Maybe I'll end up having to write out what I WOULD say just to let it all out...
Their mom was a "no show" at her tuition conference on Friday, so it is looking less and less likely that the teen will be able to continue at her current school. I understand that can't necessarily be grounds to keep her from going home, but it definitely is something that is important to the teen and her mom has told her multiple times that she would make it happen...I haven't seen any effort from her yet. It makes me cry because she is thriving in that environment and this quarter she has been getting even better grades (poor kid just came out of her room to tell me that her entire English essay just got lost since she wasn't saving it as she went...she wasn't cursing or crying and I know I would have been doing at LEAST one of those things...ha!)
Last night, the little one wouldn't go to sleep (I did put her to bed early because she wasn't listening or following directions or "acting right"). After an hour of checking on her periodically, she finally responded "I want you" when I asked what was wrong. I picked her up and held her for a couple minutes and cried the whole time (me, not her). That was all she needed and it didn't take much longer for her to go to sleep. In addition to the problem with her listening ears, she has also been extra clingy and wanting to be held all the time. She also says "I love you" every time she does something she isn't supposed to do as well as random other times throughout the day.
Yeah, I'm thinking one of the answers to the question of how will I cope after the girls go back home will be lots of tears. However, I am blessed to have a TON of support, so I'll be ok, and at least I know the girls will be "ok". Talking it out, hugs, tears, prayers, and memories like these ones will definitely help :)
Good night.
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